Best Quotes EVER!

3. Howard Wolowitz

Leonard: OK, is everyone clear on the plan?

Howard: Yes, Koothrappali's going to wet himself, I'm gonna throw up, Sheldon's gonna run away and you're going to die.

Howard: Why should I do something nice for you?

Sheldon: To go to Jewish heaven.

Howard: Jews don't have heaven

Sheldon: To avoid Jewish Hell?

Howard: Have you met my mother? I live in Jewish Hell

Howard: Try telling him it's a non-optional social convention.

Penny: What?

Howard: Just do it!

Penny: *To Sheldon* It's a non-optional social convention.

Sheldon: Ah, fair enough.

Howard: He came with a manual.

Leonard: What would you do if you were me?

Howard: I would take Sheldon to Switzerland!

Leonard: Really?

Howard: Yes, and I'd leave him there!

(Sheldon smiles in a grotesque way).

Howard: Oh...... crap that's terrifying.

" Sheldon knows football? I mean Quidditch, sure, but football?"

Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.

Howard: I could also be the engineer that builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.

Howard: I said I was sorry!

Raj: Sorry doesn't make up for the fact that I had to cook chicken and rice with this vegan guy. You know what vegan chicken and rice is? RICE!

Howard: Do you think I'd rather been with you or sitting around for hours listening to my mother saying "Have y'ever peed so much in yor life??"

Raj: Oh, you are such a momma's boy!

Howard: Don't bring my mother into this.

Raj: YOU brought your mother into this!!

Raj: Excuse me, I can't be drinking, I'm about to make an important scientific discovery here!

Howard:What? Galileo did his best work while drinking wine!

Raj: How do you know that?

Howard: He was Italian, it's a reasonable assumption.

Raj: Dude, can you even open your mouth without saying a cultural stereotype?

Howard: I'm sorry Galileo drank diet sprite!

(Howard has just told Mary about his upcoming trip to the International Space Station.)

Mary Cooper: I bet your mom is really proud of you.

Howard: Nope. She says if I don't back out, she's gonna go on a hunger strike. It'd take years before she'd be in any kind of danger, but still....

Howard's Mum (Hm): Howard it's the phone!

Howard: I know it's the phone ma' I HEAR THE PHONE!

HM: Who is calling at this ungodly hour?

Howard: I don't know!

HM: Well ask them why are they calling at this ungodly houer!

Howard: HOW CAN I ASK THEM WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU!?. *on the phone* Hello?

Howard: Wait till you see this.

Raj: It's fantastic. Unbelievable!

Leonard: See what?

Howard: (Putting in DVD) It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from MIT in 1974.

Leonard: This isn't a good time.

Howard: (Imitating Stephen Hawking) It's before he became a creepy computer voice.

HM: Want me to get you a popsicle?

Howard: Cherry, please!

HM: I ate the cherry. All that's left is green.

Howard: You make me wanna kill myself!

Penny: Howard, would you like to explain to me why your Facebook page has a picture of me sleeping on your shoulder captioned: "Me and My Girlfriend"?

Howard: Uh oh, here comes "The Talk"!

*Penny tries to blow up Howard's head with her brain (like sheldon) .*

Howard: What's the matter, you chicken?

Sheldon: I've always found that an inappropriate slur. Chickens are not by nature at all timid. In fact, when I was young, my neighbor's chicken got loose and chased me up the big elm tree in front of our house.

Raj: Chickens can't climb trees.

Sheldon: Thank God!

Howard: Okay, I believe the chicken made you his b*tch.

Howard: I say "Vegas, baby."

Raj: What are you gonna tell your mother?

Howard: Seaworld, baby.

Sheldon: (On the phone) Howard, I'm sick.

Howard: (Hesitating, Imitating his mother) Howard's sleeping, this is his mother talking, why are you calling at this ungodly hour?

Sheldon: I need soup!

Howard: (Imitating his mother) Then call your own mother.

"Well, no you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up."

Penny: How are flower barrettes going to appeal to men?

Howard: We add Bluetooth.

Howard: Sheldon, if you were a robot and I knew and you didn't, would you want me to tell you?

Sheldon: That depends. When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?

Howard: Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.

Sheldon: I see, I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last, go on Howard, dazzle me.

Howard: Well, my power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problem. And that's 24/7 buddy.

Howard: A week ago, I was an astronaut.

Bernadette: Yeah, well, today you're a Smurf! Keep moving!

Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.

Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you'll have good luck.

Penny: No, you won't.

"Look, if you don't want to go to the party, just don't go. You're a grown man. Act like one. Tell Amy you want to spend the weekend having a sleepover and playing video games with your friends!"