ease » antoine griezmann

cinq

THIS HOUSE IS A MESS. THAT WAS ANTOINE'S FIRST THOUGHT THAT MORNING. His brother got home last night while he was out and apparently their parents couldn't wait to see what the kid brought as gift and souvenirs from his trip.

His brother suitcase was open on the living room and his clothes on a messy pile on the sofa. Used plates and glasses still on the table. The constant wonder of   And it was driving Antoine crazy.

His mother said she will clean up later, his brother was still asleep and all he wanted to do was to clean because such a messy view was making him go crazy. Antoine was in the middle of feeling a heavy pressure on his chest and his air flow being cut when his dad appeared on his range of vision and asked if he could go and do some errands for him.

Antoine just nodded and closed his eyes as he felt his hands trembling, taking deep breathes when his dad said he was going to get the car keys for him.

A few minutes later, Antoine is sitting in front of his dad car wheel breathing heavily. He is trying to calm down enough to drive back to his parents house, but he just can't. He is having a panic attack and he has no idea what triggered it. And it has Antoine overthinking and overthinking why.

His therapist once told him silence can be violent and in this moment Antoine couldn't agree more. Music was playing really loud on the background, on an attempt to hide behind the sound, but his thoughts were louder.

There were times when Antoine's brain worked so fast he was afraid it was going to shut down. He had all of this thoughts running through his mind he barely had time to classify them. Wondering if the house will be clean, if he locked the doors when he left, after all his parents and brother where going out. The constant need to do things over and over until they feel right, like flicking the light on and off at night. The need to classify his clothes by color and his food by groups and colors.

The tics. They are not as frequent as they used to be, therapy had helped him the most on there. "If you are in control of your body, if you can reduce how frequently and how severe they are, you can try to control your mind." His therapist said. But they were still there, controlling didn't meant they will be completely gone. And he still suffered every time he had one.

Antoine takes a deep heavy breathe and tries to stop the shaking on his hand. He is too tired and so sick of this he doesn't care to function properly. He is too tired to pretend, too tired to be ashamed, too sick of ignoring this part of his life. He takes a deep breath again while he takes his iPhone, looks for her number on his contact list and waits for her to answer.

After the third ring, when Antoine was contemplating on hanging up and calling Keith, greets a voice that even when it's groggy sounds like the sweetest thing Antoine has ever heard.

"Hi Marie," Antoine says so quiet he fears she didn't heard him. "I'm on 3rd and 7th, can you pick me up, please? I don't think I can drive."