I Work For One Direction

Chapter 40

I sat there staring at those pathetic letters that I had written. How corny could I have gotten? There was no way I could even face them today. The boys were bound to come back home soon. I stood up and grabbed all the letters and stuffed them in my bag. I'll throw these out when I have the chance, I thought. I sat back down and stared at my stupid feet for about an hour. The more time had passed the more nervous and un-easy I got. I didnt like this feeling. It made me sick to my stomach. Why was this so hard for me? Why couldnt I just be a big girl and deal with the concequences of my actions? I couldnt stand myself to be this way. To be this scared and almost fragil. He basically made me this way.

Harry made me this way and I hated him for it. It was the worst thing he could have done to me but also the best. Loving him was amazing and I couldnt be more thankful for meeting him. He made me happy. He made me so damn happy that it did something to me. It made me so weak and vulnerable and giggly and over the moon. He had an affect on me that no one ever will and probably the only time it would happen would be with him. It was still so confusing. How could I love someone yet almost sort of hate them at the same time? Was that possible? It was almost as if I hated him for making me the way I am. For making me sad the way he did. For making me worry the way he did. He made everything so hard but so easy at the same time. I guess thats what real love is. Not being able to breathe yet not being able to stop breathing and hyperventilating on the inside. Not being able to speak yet saying everything your heart needs you to say. Not being able to sleep yet needing to sleep as long as possible because you want to dream about that person, forever. Love eats you alive no matter what the cost and no matter how wonderful it is, love still hurts. Whether its a good hurt or a bad hurt. It will always hurt. A human heart can never be practical until it is made unbreakable, I heard that from somewhere.. Cant remember where though???

Harry was so much more than just a boyfriend or someone who understood me. He was the kiss that I needed in the morning. The pleasure I needed at night. He was the smell that I ached for in the middle of the day. He was the time that passed by until I saw him again when I missed him so damn much. He was my caffeine when I wanted to stay up late so I could spend more time with him. He was laughter I needed to here to feel secure. He wasnt just a shoulder to lean on, he was everything I needed. But now everything had changed and I sat here wishing I knew how to say goodbye with out seeing his face full of hurt and having to show him mine. Love eats you on the inside. Its your heart and your mind taking over who you are. Its in your blood and its in pain and tears and happiness. Its in everything. And I had to give that up because my love for my mother was also just as real and just as strong and I couldnt bare to see her love leave her like I was about to leave mine. 

I knew what I had to do. I knew what I would say. I just didnt know if I would be able to stand here and say it. Watch those eyes turn from shock, to sadness, to anger. I didnt know if I could bare it. The clock was counting down... I still didnt make a decision. I needed to make up my mind fast. Real fast.

*******Harry's POV******

The boys and I piled into the car while screaming girls surrounded us. It was only a matter of days before the tour and I had yet to decide what to do about Jess. My sweet Jess. She was everything I needed and yet I let her go. I didnt know why or how. Well I knew why. Because I was scared and stupid. I shouldnt have done that. I knew that I would never find anyone else like her. Maybe I would find someone similar to her but never exactly like her. She was all that I wanted and like an idiot, I let her go.

We piled into the hotel and I could smell the food that I knew was sitting on the table waiting for us. I would always get that perfect moment when I would walk in and I'd see her smiling and looking my way. She was glad to see us home. And for a moment I would notice that she was glad to see me home. We walked towards the sitting room and found my lap top open with a dark screen.

"Jess!" Louis called. "Jess we're back!"

No answer.

"Maybe she went out or went to see her mom." Liam said.

I walked up to the laptop and moved the mouse over. Big bold letters in black said 'PLAY ME'. "Guys.."

"What?" Niall asked from behind me. 

Soon all the boys were beside me and staring at the lap top screen. Zayn pressed play and we saw Jess sitting on the couch. 

"Hey guys." She said. "I havent been completly honest with you the passed few days. I wish I could just say what I want to say but Its hard." I could see she was starting to tear up. "This is a goodbye. Youre gonna hate me for this but thats okay. I guess that would make it easier on you right? I'm moving. I'm probably already on a plane by now. On my way to a new life with my mom and ashley. He got transfered and since you guys are starting your tour, I thought it would be best if I left with them. I dont want you guys to think that I dont still care about you. I do. I love you guys. All of you. So much but I had to do this for my mom and in a way for me. You'll find me room empty. Nothing left in there but some things I couldnt take with me..." 

I walked into her room and found it empty just like she said. On her bed was a piece of paper. I looked around and noticed she had left a few things that I had gotten her. I picked up a sweater I had gotten her. She wore it all the time. She loved it, but she didnt take it? I picked up the paper and opened it to see my name written in her hand writing.

Harry,

I dont want you to think that I left because of you. I wish I stayed because of you but I cant. I have to do this. You have been so sweet to me and so understanding. You treated me like a princess and sometimes not so much. But I want you to know that I forgave you for everything. I know you were confused and scared because I was too. But now Im not so confused or scared anymore. Please dont be sad or angry with me. I just couldnt handle the life that you life. Im such a different person for it. I care about you so much Harry and I always will. You were my everything. You still are. You made me so happy and so loved these passed months. Its been almost as if it were a dream of some kind. You need to let me go Harry. You need to let me go because you love me and because I love you, with all my heart. 

                                                                                                                      Jess.

I let the letter slip out of my fingers and I just sat there. She loved me and I loved her but now she was gone and I didnt know where she was going. 

"You alright mate?" Louis asked me.

I didnt even look up at him. I just stared at the sweater I bought her so long ago. I bet it still smelled like her. She was gone and all that was left of her was in my memory. I'd never forget that girl. I'd probably never forgive her. But, I will always love her. 

*****Jess' POV*******

I was on the plane sitting next to my mom. I was staring out the window aimlessly. It was like I was watching every thing I knew and loved pass me by. Guess I was passing it by instead.

"Darling? Are you alright?" She asked me.

I just looked at her and smiled. Goodbye.

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Oh my God guys I want to cry. Thank you for reading my story and for sticking through with me for this long. I hope you enjoyed it and the ending. It has been amazing and I cant believe this story got over 5,000 reads. I love all of you readers.

I want to thank Jessica, my best friend. I based Jess' character on her. 

I know its sad because it has ended but dont worry. I'll be posting the SEQUEL soon. Probably tomorrow. I hope you'll enjoy it and are eager to find out what has happened with Jess and Harry :) 

Love you guys sooooo much! Thank you again for getting me this far! I never knew it was possible!!!! <33333333333

Jarry<3