I have always been curious about you every since I was about 9 years old. I felt like I lost everything. Two years before I even knew there was more to it than just a mom, I really wanted to know who you were. I kept that to myself though. I really did lose everything though. You're not here and when I was 9 I didn't even really have my mom. The only think I knew at age 9 was to figure things out on my mom. I was always left in the other room while my mom was in the other room having sex or doing drugs. My past is all a blur though. There could be things that happened that I should know about, but I don't. Either way I have been wanting to meet you for 6 years now. Or at least have some sort of contact with you, but they kept you away.. Or maybe you stayed away? I want you to be in my life, I really do. What if they're right though? What if you reject me, just like the rest of the family.. besides my mom. Even after I found a phone number that I could use to get ahold of you.. I just can't? why? I always ask myself. You're just a phone call away. but when I hear the sound of the phone ring I freeze up and hang up. I don't care how much work it takes. Even if I have to be the one making the effort by myself to reach out to you. When I'm ready I will contact you. I want you in my life...So where are you? You aren't even that many miles away, but yet you're still not in my life?
This is so frustrating.
