I tend to push the ones I love away. I understand that. I do it way to often. I know this one actually cared and I pushed him away and I honestly don't even know why. I can deal with the pain, after all it's my fault and I will live up to that. I knew he wasn't going to talk to me, but I didn't think he would practically avoid me. I miss our friendship. He actually cared and was always there. Now he's really happy and when we were together that's all I wanted to do was make him that happy, but it didn't work. Now he's that happy and I feel even more worthless.
Now I'm looking for love in all the wrong places. I throw myself onto people just to feel wanted. Truth be told, that only hurt me more. I felt annoying.. Then again I've always felt annoying. I'm never good enough. It's bullshit that you have to be an all bone slut just to get a guys attention. I used to hate those girls, but honestly I'm slowly turning into one.. I know I don't look like it but I'm doing whatever I can for attention. That's not me. I really don't even know who the real me is anymore.
Maybe I'll just push everyone away. This is what happens to a girl who is always screwed over. She'll push away the loved ones and look for love anywhere she can. I hope I can stop myself soon enough..
