Not What I Thought You'd Be | Shawn Mendes ~ Camila Cabello (ON HOLD)

~ Chapter Three ~

"I would rather let her go, knowing I am doing this for her good than letting her in my fucked up life."

~~~

~ Shawn's POV ~

I shut my locker and walk down the hallway to go home as Zac steps out of boy's bathroom and pats my shoulders.

"Shawn, it is so great to see you back again man!" he says excitedly as Luke joins him and puts a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah man, it is so good to see you. Are you going to be joining the football team this year?" he asks. I was about to reply but then I shifted my eyes over Luke's shoulder and saw Camila leaving. As soon as I see Camila flashing a big smile showing her teeth at Sky, I felt a pang of guiltiness in my gut. I let out a cough, cleared my throat and looked down at my fingers.

~ I want to tell you how beautiful you are from where I'm standing ~

"Yo Shawn?" Zac says. I snap back to reality just as I see Zac waving his hands in front of my face.

"Yeah, I probably will join the football team to get some girls." I smirk at my snarky reply. Zac and Luke throw their heads back in laughter and I join along. Just as I see Camila leave the school building, I wave goodbye to Zac and Luke. "Guys, I will catch you up later. Got to go home" I shout behind my back as I head towards school exit.

Just as I open the door and look up, I see Camila staring at me with a look of disgust and anger along with Sky.

~ When she looks me in the eyes, they don't seem as bright ~

 I walk by them making eye contact with Camila and smirk, my heart feels heavy with the feeling of guilt and rage. Rage for my terrible father. I shuffle on to the driver's seat of my black SUV and close the car door. I put my hands on top of my head to stop all these thoughts.

"She hates me, she hates me, she hates" I repeat to myself over and over again. She hates me for all the things that I have done to her. Huh! Funny thing is I hate myself for that too. She didn't deserve any of the things I did to her. She didn't deserve to go through those after all that has happened to her. I shake my head dismissing the thoughts and drive.

~ I'm trying hard to breathe but you're suffocating me, this time I'm coming up for air ~

I was not supposed to be in Miami right now. The plan was I would graduate and go off to university in Europe or somewhere. Anywhere as long as I am far away from my father. Dad insisted I came back to finish my senior year here and I tried to hesitate but he wouldn't budge. I am sure his decision had something to do with Camila. I was planning on staying away from her as far as possible even if I didn't want to. All I did was cause her more pain, she would have been so much happier if I hadn't shown up in her life.

Shuderring at the thoughts, I drive by the park beside the beach to get to my house.

 Flashback 

We were heading towards to beach to stare out at the blue ocean. I look ahead at the road trying to concentrate on my driving while Camila is shuffling through my CD's wearing a frown on her face. I glance at her and giggle purposely placing those CD's over there because she hated them. She snaps her head at me.

~ We spend our time walking by the ocean side, our hands are gently intertwined. A feeling I just can't describe ~

"Ha ha ha, it is so funny yeah?" She asks sarcastically. I glance at her and smirk.

"Your reaction always makes it worth it." I say. She sets the CD's on her lap and looks at me.

"Shawnnn, you know I can't stand listening to these heavy metal songs" she whines, looking at me with bubbly eyes as I steal glances at her.

"Alright, I kept the songs you chose at the front pocket of the back seat" I say with a sigh. She laughs and quickly kisses me on cheek before turning around to retrieve the CD's mainly consisting of modern pop. 

~ Now that her hands have touched my skin, I won't tell her where I've been ~

Just as she is about to turn her arms around towards the back seat, I grip her wrist and push the brake of the car. I pull her towards me and tease her lips with mine putting one hand over her ears. Her breath quickens at the small gesture and I smile. She makes me the happiest even when I am at my worst, except she does not know that she does. She does not know the real me and my life. I shiver slightly as she pulls back a bit to look me in the eye trying to figure me out. 

~ Darling I want all the strings attached, I love it when you look at me like that ~

Pushing back the thoughts, I quickly kiss her feverishly before she asks what I was thinking. I pull back and stare at her beautiful ocean blue eyes filled with curiosity. The next words that comes out of my mouth are the words that means the world to me. Only when it is me and Camila.

"I love you, mon rêve de petite fille." I say, meaning every single word hoping she hears the sincerity in my voice. 

I stare out of the windows of my car at the same beach when I first told her I loved her. I imagined that memory over and over again as a tear slipped down my cheeks.

I still love her to this day on and I always will. I am thankful that she chooses to ignore me. I can't do anything for her but fill her eyes with tears of pain and sorrow.

I drive to my house in silent, allowing my thoughts to take over quietly. Dad didn't come with me from Canada this time. I came alone by myself during the summer, I made sure I didn't see Camila any time before school started, knowing I couldn't control in front of her. Every time she looked me in the eye with pain and regret, I felt my knees weaken, frozen to the spot when all I ever want to do is pick her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and how sorry I am. But I can never get myself to do that, it's better for her if she stays away from me. 

~ Can't seem to let her go, can't seem to hold her close ~

I don't care, no matter how much it hurts me, I will always keep her away from my truth. 

A/N: Sorry for the delay,  I did't have time to finish the whole chapter before.

I hope you enjoy! I would really appreciate it if you vote and comment <3 

-Labiba x