Not What I Thought You'd Be | Shawn Mendes ~ Camila Cabello (ON HOLD)

~ Chapter Sixteen ~

"He will pretend he didn't rip you open and you will pretend you didn't cry when he did."

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~ Camila's POV ~

December 12th, 2012 (One month and two weeks since Shawn's absence)

Christmas is coming soon and I decided that I will forget about Shawn and plaster a fake smile on my face for as long as I can. I learned to live the way things is, I cannot just mope around hoping Shawn will come back soon. There is a life ahead of me which I have to prepare for and I have been slacking off quite a lot.

I am a realist.

I have to move on and be practical. Sure, his disappearance left me wondering, a lot but I can't let that get in the way. After Ethan's death, I learnt it the hard way. I have to forget and move on.

But quite simply, I can never forget.

I will always have that love for him but I have to move on. I will force myself to move on.

I will always treasure and cherish the memories Shawn and I made. Deep down, I blame myself for his disappearance. Shawn was everything I needed and now he is gone. What if I get lost over again?

Stop it, Camila!

He's gone and you can't change that!

Shutting my locker door, roughly, I lean back and sigh. Without wanting to, I always end up asking myself one question.

Why does my heart break all the time?

Walking towards Homeroom, I stop on the way, waiting for Sky. We have been walking to class together for a month now. Sky wants to keep under her eyes at all times. Something about me breaking down in front of everyone. I don't know what she is talking about. But you know how she is, extremely stubborn.

Taking our usual seats at the back of the class, Sky sighs.

Turning to look at her, "What's wrong?"

She sighs again, holding her chin with her hands, "It has been more than a month, Cami-" Oh so that's what it's about. "-and I am really worried. Cami, I know it is hard for you to move on since he was the reason why you started smiling again. After Ethan died, I was worried as fuck-" she sighs again, "I thought it would take ages for you to be happy, truly happy and after he came... It was like magic. Just his existence lit you up. Every time someone mentioned his name, you face would legit light up. It was like Christmas, honestly." Sky sniffles, her eyes intense on mine. Tears trimming around her eyes. I instantly wrap my arms tightly around her as I feel a tear roll down my cheeks.

Stroking her hair lightly, "Shh, it's okay. I am okay. You don't have to say anything."

My heart physically hurts.

"No, I have to say this." She pulls back, her light blue eyes gazing at me. "Cami, I'm afraid you will never be alright again. You have gone through shit and you didn't deserve any of it."

"How about we throw a party and hopefully find some hottie?" I suggest, forcing a smile.

She bites her lip to stop the smile forming but fails and ends up chuckling. "You go for it but I have to refrain myself." I frown. "I'm dating Zac, remember?" I instantly slap my hands over my mouth.