Not What I Thought You'd Be | Shawn Mendes ~ Camila Cabello (ON HOLD)

~ Chapter Nine ~

"She wanted to live.
But the fear of the consequences held her back."

~

~ Camila's POV ~

//PAST\\

September 15th, 2012 (Two days after my breakdown in front of Shawn.)

"Come on Cami, it is Saturday." Sky pleads. We are sitting on the couch in my living room debating whether we should go to the back to school party by Jonathan, a sophomore. There is no possible way I am going to that party, there will be drinking, smoking and people making out in every corner of the house.

"I said it already, I don't want to go so I won't" I say trying to sound clipped but end up smiling. I remember enjoying back to school parties even though halfway through Sky and I would disappear and go to the roof to watch the stars.

"Hah! You do want to go!" She accuses in a playful tone. She jumps up from the couch and grabs my hands, pulling me to my bedroom. "We have to get ready and look sexy!" she says in excitement. I laugh and sit down on my bed. Sky is shuffling through my closest looking thoughtful. I check my freshly manicured nails then see Sky pulling out a plain plastic white box.

"I found it! All your party clothes." She says in evil way and wriggles her eyebrows at me. I laugh and think to myself how good I am feeling after many months. Ethan would be smiling down from wherever he is looking at me happy.

"Sky, don't give me anything too short or revealing." I let her know. I don't want to catch any attention on myself or set my image as a girl who 'wear less clothes for attention'. It is true though, many people have been called that.

She shuffles through the box and ends up choosing a tight black two piece for herself and hand me a black halter dress ends at mid-thigh. This was one of my favorite dress when I was going through my party stage and I never wore it after I met Ethan. The dress is beautiful but I never felt the need to wear it since I stopped going to parties.

Ethan changed me and taught me how to appreciate myself. Before him, I always felt insecure. I would never admit it then but now that I think about it, I always felt lower than everyone else. I had the constant feeling of doing something extreme that will get me noticed. During that stage, I was at a dark place, Liz started understanding properly and kept asking me questions which I did not like. She constantly asked me questions about mom and I was at the stage of denying and letting down anyone who thought good for me. I distanced myself from my dad and made new friends. Friends who did not care about me. Friends who destroyed themselves by their own hands and I thought that was cool. I thought smoking and drinking is going get me somewhere but I was wrong. Ethan was my light out of the darkness and since he's gone, I am lost all over again in the dark world I used to be so familiar with.

"Helloo!" Sky waves her hands in front of my face, disturbing my thought. "Earth to Cami" she laughs.

"What?" I ask.

"You've been staring at that dress for so goddamn long. If you didn't like it much than you should have just said it." She says in a light tone.

"It's not that I don't like it. I was just thinking about Ethan." I admit.

"Cami, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to give you that dress for you to get sad." She frowns.

"No, it's not your fault. Don't say sorry for no reason. Anyways, we have a party to get ready for." I say as her face lights up.