Rise of the Jaded Rose

Chapter 15: Shake It Off/ Don't Stop Believing

  Chapter 15: Shake It Off/ Don't Stop Believing
Roselyn's POV
I am a nervous wreck. Tour is two days away and I'm not sure if I want to go anymore. I've been insecure about my singing, and now they want me to perform in front of thousands of people. I feel like they've dumped a ton of pressure on me. I have been getting hate from fans on Twitter and Instagram. Some of them call me fat and untalented, while others hate on me for being so close to Louis. Right now I feel like we have a special bond. Like we are more than friends, but not quite girlfriend and boyfriend. I'm still confused at what we are.
I log onto Instagram again. I post a cute picture of a baby sea turtle that had just hatched. Within seconds I have hundreds of comments. I scroll through the feed and see so many hurtful comments. I was sad to see that there were very few encouraging comments. Over half told me to go die, a quarter of them told me that I was fat and ugly, and another good chunk told me I was untalented. I start crying. I can't take the hate. It makes me feel like I'm trapped back in my past. I start to feel like I'm being suffocated. I can't breathe. The horrible memories are taking over. I can't handle it. I'm breaking all over again. I go to my bathroom and grab my razor. I smash it against the counter to break it and get to the blades. I hear the door to my room open.
"Roselyn? Are you in here," I hear Louis' voice ask.
I can't let him see me in this state. He'll hat me. It will destroy him to see me like this. I hold my breath and stay as quiet as possible. I hear him walk into my room. Then he knocks on the bathroom door. I don't reply.
"Roselyn I know you're in there. What's wrong love," he asks.
I stay silent ignoring him.
"I want to help you. Please let me in," he asks.
I still ignore him. I hear him turn the door knob. Curse me not locking the door. He walks in and sees the pain on my face and the blade in my hand held to my wrist. All I had to do was press the blade down into my skin.
"Please don't do that. You are way better than that," he tells me.
"I can't take the pressure and the hate. It makes me feel trapped, and brings back the past I'm trying to forget," I choke out. I never even noticed when I started crying.
I slowly press the blade down into my skin. I make a cut and then another and then another. It feels good. It makes the emotional pain go away. I hear Louis sobbing in the doorway watching me. He walks over to me and takes the blade. I expected him to throw the blade away, but instead he makes three cuts in his wrist that are identical to the ones I just made.
"What the h*ll do you think you're doing," I demand taking the razor blade from him.
"I want to feel what you do. I want to understand why you hurt yourself. I want to help you," he says.
I just stand there shocked. He leans forward and kisses me on the lips. It felt like my insides exploded with fireworks. Wow! He pulls away and whispers in my ear.
"I really like you. I don't want to see you hurting. I will be here for you always. Whenever you feel the urge to cut come to me. Whenever you cut, I cut."
"No you can't cut yourself. What will your fans think," I demand.
"What do you think your fans will think," he shoots back.
"I don't have any fans. All I get is hate. There is no support," I say.
"You have more fans out there than you think. You had over 7million people looking for you. 7million people that like your music and want you to use your talent for good. Just think of how many girls in bad homes you will inspire. You are a role model. You are an encouragement to millions of people including myself. You are an encouragement to yourself, even though you don't know it yet. I don't know how you managed to stay strong for so long without breaking. You are amazing. You are practically Super Girl," he tells me.
Once again I am speechless. I didn't know that Louis cared for me that much. I never knew that I was a role model for so many lost girls similar to myself.
"I want to make a difference. I want to be the one to help change girl's lives. I want to be their saving grace. You guys were mine. I want to be theirs," I state suddenly.
"That's my girl," he says.
We clean and bandage our wrists and walk into my bedroom. Louis stops in front of me and turns taking my hands in his.
"Roselyn will you do me the honor of going on a date with me and becoming my girlfriend," he asks.
I am so happy. I realize now that I have strong feelings for him. My eyes tear up and I can't speak. Louis looks worried.
"Yes! A thousand times yes," I finally manage to say.
He grabs me into a hug and swings me around.
"I will always be your Superman. I will always protect my Supergirl," he whispers in my ear.
There are no words to describe my emotions right then, so I simply lean up and kiss him. He kisses back. He deepens the kiss. We are just getting into it when we hear a throat clearing. We turn and look to see Niall standing in the doorway.
"Umm. I was sent to tell you that we are leaving for dinner in 10 minutes," he says embarrassed.
"OK. Thanks Niall," Louis says.
Niall walks out and leaves Louis and I alone again.
"So how are we going to tell them," I ask.
"Hmmm. Oh I know! We can get those cheezy I'm His and I'm Hers hoodies," Louis says excitedly.
"I want a red one then," I say.
"But I thought your favourite color was purple," he asks confused.
"But your favourite color is red," I state.
"Oh I get you. Then I want purple," he says.
"Louis! Roselyn! Get your butts down here or we're leaving without you," Harry yells up the stairs.
We hurry downstairs to find the others waiting for us.
"What happened to your wrists," asked Selena looking at the bandaids.
"Roselyn accidently cut her wrist when her razor broke. I cut mine helping her clean of the mess," Louis lies smoothly. I didn't blame him for lying. This was going to be our little secret. I see Harry and Melodie eyeing us like they don't believe it, but they let it go. We all file outside and go to dinner.