Catch Your Breath

Part III

Part III

One would think that once your mother has left on a business trip, one would have more freedom.

Not in Katniss' case.

Due to the fact that Greasy Sae knew about Katniss' mental state, and the suicide attempts that she had under her belt, the old woman was weary of leaving Katniss alone. Katniss didn't know what sort of picture her mother had painted about her state of mind, but it certainly couldn't have been good if Greasy Sae was poking her head around the door every half hour to make sure Katniss hadn't tossed herself out the window.

How could she anyway? It was bolted shut.

Katniss didn't even feel safe enough to go onto The Reaping with Greasy Sae bustling in every thirty minutes, a fresh excuse as to why each time. It didn't matter. Katniss kept track of the amount of days she had left mentally. The site wasn't good for much else besides that. Sure, it probably offered good help to those who didn't know in what way they were going to kill themselves; or wished to listen to the miserable stories that others had to tell; but Katniss was done with the self-pity. She just wanted to die already.

She thought about Peeta often.

It had been a few days since she had seen him, for she had faked sick to stay off school and avoid having to sit with him. She wasn't sure why she cared so much because she had stopped caring about what people thought of her long ago when she first attempted suicide and failed. However, for some reason she couldn't explain, the knowledge that Peeta had cancer was extremely jarring. Katniss knew that teenagers got cancer, but she had never known someone herself who had the disease under the age of thirty. It seemed too . . . close. Too personal. And she didn't like it.

Peeta probably thought she was pathetic. Here he was, with Hodgkin's Lymphoma, and she was perfectly healthy besides the obvious. Katniss knew that he would probably die for her health. She would gladly give it to him, if she could. Maybe even take on his illness herself so he'd be free of it. It would be a slow way to die, but at least she would know that she wouldn't fail.

Hodgkin lymphoma is an uncommon cancer that develops in the lymphatic system, which is a network of vessels and glands spread throughout your body. The lymphatic system is part of your immune system. Clear fluid called lymph flows through the lymphatic vessels and contains infection-fighting white blood cells, known as lymphocytes.

Overall, around 85% of people with Hodgkin lymphoma live at least five years and most of these will be cured. However, there's a risk of long-term problems after treatment, including infertility and an increased risk of developing another type of cancer in the future.

Katniss frowned as she read the information on her phone. Did that mean that Peeta wasn't going to die? Or was he part of that 15% that was unlucky and wouldn't survive it? Why were these websites so vague?!

"Katniss, what are you doing?"

Katniss looked up from her phone, which she had hidden on her lap under the table. Greasy Sae was staring at her with an imploring gaze. What? Did she think she was looking up suicidal methods under the table? Hardly.

Katniss picked her plate up, deciding that she wanted to go back to her room, and dumped it into the blender in the kitchen. She heard Prim explaining to Sae in the dining room that Katniss' food needed to be blended because of her injury. It hardly mattered, whichever way she wasn't going to eat it. Starvation was a slow and painful means of death, but it was a means of death none the less.

"Katniss," Greasy Sae called from the dining room, "I was just explaining to Primrose here that tomorrow I must go and visit my granddaughter at the other side of the city, so I can't collect you from school, nor can I look after you tomorrow evening."