sabian (VIII)

Part 22

I can't believe you Sabian.

Shut up Damian

You've fucked yourself

I know, I don't need daily reminders.

You had it all and you went ahead and fucked it up.

I know.

Obviously you don't because if you did you'd be doing something about it by now.

What can I do now?! It's her choice, I can only hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

I guess you're right, punk asses never know how to fight anyways.

What the fuck was that?!

You heard me.

You really are asking for it

Quiet, you idiots.

Fuck off Leo.

Why? Do I remind you of who you used to be? How much of non stressful life you had?

I already said to fuck off.

You're just scared of yourself. You don't even know who are anymore.

You're right, I really don't know who I am anymore. And you know what that means?

What?

You don't know who the hell you are either. I can make you however the fuck I want. I can make you disappear if I wanted too. So here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna shut your fucking mouth and maybe get me through this or else I'll erase you faster than I'm taking myself out. Are we fucking clear?

...

Wow, I have no words.

And why is that?

You've become Sabian and Damian all at once.

...

You're right though, I'm hear for you buddy, forever.

It's exactly 2:37 am and I am so scared. I'm sacred to lose everything. I am scared because I now know that I cannot keep a person close enough to consider a future with me. I am scared because everything I do drives them away. I am scared because they never consider me as an option. I am scared because they never actually get to know me. I am scared because no one wants to work through to have me. I am scared because no matter I fucking do, no matter how I much love I have, I have too much. I am scared because I say too many things. I am scared because I trust love over logic. I am scared because no matter how many times I serve my heart into a silver platter, they want it bigger, they want to better and they want me to be gold. I am scared because no one ever wants to stop and look me in the eye and say words that'll make me immediately happy.  I am scared because I let the one who might want to these things with me out of my life. I am scared because I don't want to lose something I'm so sure of. I am so terrified because she said she wished she felt the same way about me then when she did at the beginning. I am so afraid because I can't have someone without them getting bored of me.