In One Heart Beat

-Chapter Twenty Six-

Date: September, 6th, 2015

Location: Landstuhl Regional Medical Hospital

Time: 1300

I sat in my office writing down notes shifting through files to get ready for the next set of patients who were being flown in from Iraq this time. I sighed, it was difficult to make an actual estimate as to what the patients would require without further diagnosis. I had to officially see the patient. See and then assess, that was my strong suit. I could look at X-Rays and CT scans but after seven to eight hours of flying things could change in their condition.

I ran my fingers through my hair writing down important details of the Military Physician's report that had been emailed to me through Dr. Reinhard.

There was a knock on the door. "Come in", I replied.

I immediately regretted it. I should have rather asked who is it but no, I had to say that! In stepped Dr. Cade. I had deliberately been avoiding him because I didn't want anything to do with him and wanted to just focus on work itself. He was getting in the way and it aggravated me deep down. He wasn't officially doing anything wrong as a doctor but....after what he had done.

It was awkward and this is what I had feared.

"Hey, do you have any spare time?", he asked.

"Only if it is relevant", I replied looking up.

Dr. Cade shut the door and blew through his cheeks, "You've been avoiding me", he said bluntly.

"Not relevant", I grumbled leaning my cheek against my fist looking at my papers.

This was bound to happen. I didn't want it to happen. I just.... I didn't know how to handle the situation. I sighed taking off my glasses and rubbed my eyes putting my hands together looking, "Out of all the things that could happen to me, this does", I muttered.

"What that a co-worker likes you?", asked Dr. Cade offended.

"Look, I'm not comfortable discussing my private life with you Dr. Cade! Nor- nor- nor letting you into it!", I said.

"Letting me into it? Why? Do you not trust me? Is that what this is?!", he asked loudly.

"Do not raise your voice in my office!", I yelled standing up.

Dr. Cade glared at me. I glared back. Neither of us liked the tones we were using at one another. He leaned forward putting his hands on my desk.

"At least give me a reason why, I am left everyday with wondering what the hell I'm doing wrong. Yes I know I kissed you in an inappropriate manner and I've already apologized for it! I've also already confessed that....that I like you and I'd like to get to know you better as a person....rather than..." his voice trailed off and he shook his head frustrated like an idiot.

"Than what?", I asked.

"Rather than just as a doctor", he finished.

He raised his head, "I've known you long enough that you need valid reasons and I understand that you are cautious but...but you have deliberately been avoiding me. Leaving the OR, I walk towards you, you walk right by me, so what is it? Because of its me I know I screwed up! I know! But what else am I supposed to do other than take a chance? Clearly it went south, but I can tell there is something else bothering you", said Dr. Cade.

I swallowed pushing up and sat back down. I closed my eyes. Breathing and just sat there in the silence trying to collect my thoughts. He was right.

Dr. Cade didn't like this and he pointed towards his chest raising his voice, "If it's me tell me what it is!", he yelled.

"SHUT UP!", I yelled back.

Silence.

Dr. Cade was stunned. I groaned, "Just, just be quiet, please", I repeated holding my forehead with my fingers lightly. I looked down.

"It's not you", I said quietly.

Dr. Cade grew even stiller. "Well.....what is it then? What's the problem?", he asked quietly whispering. He wanted an answer. And I knew I had to be honest. Though I didn't enjoy discussing my personal life.

"I've been in four relationships with other medical students during my education, and another during my years of residency. None of them worked out. I'm just not......", I sighed unable to find a good way to finish the sentence and train of thought that I was going at.

"You think dating someone who is in the same profession as you isn't going to work because of your prior experience", finished Dr. Cade.

I didn't look up.

"Hey, look at me", said Dr. Cade.

I sighed and looked up in response, "It's okay", he said smiling.

I raised my eyebrows. My phone rang and I took it out of my pocket. I frowned. Dr. Cade's eyebrows furrowed, "What is it?", he asked.

"No one", I replied hanging up. It had been my grandmother.

"Really? Who?", he inquired tilting his head.

"I'll get to it later-", my phone rang again.

I flinched, "You better answer it", he said.

I swallowed, "One moment", I said standing and turned towards the window answering my grandmother's call.

Immediately I cringed stiffening as she began to shout. "Margret King! Du unhöfliches Kind, was ist los mit dir ? Ich rufe an um Hallo zu sagen und du legstap ?! Das kann doche nicht wahr sein! Nach allem, was ich getan habe ! Wann wirst du erwachsen !?", she snapped. (Margret King! You rude child, what is wrong with you?! I call to say hello and you hang up!? This can't be! After everything I've done for you! When will you grow up?!)

I clenched my jaw. I had tried yelling at her in the past but she would just yell back. Stubborn and always wanting her way. I shut my eyes as the conversation continued, I had to hold my tongue. I had to hold my tongue.

"Hast du tumindezdens yemanten gefunden? Ven nitch Ich hab immer noch dieser Kerl von der markt. Ich kan öuch-"
(Have you at least found someone yet? If not I still have the guy from the market. I can also-)

"Nein, nein, bitte nein Oma, Ich will nitchs damit zu tun haben Ich bin alt genuk-"
(No, no, please no grandma, I don't want anything do to with that. I'm old enough-)

"Du bist 32! Und die Velma! Sie ist 25 und verheiratet! Du bist immer noch....."
(You are thirty two! And Velma! She is twenty five and married! You are still.....)

I covered my eyes with my other hand jaw tight as I just kept listening. Just listening to this crap! It wasn't any use arguing. But I didn't want to hear it! It....It....

After about another ten minuets of bickering and shouting at me she hung up. I put my hand on my hip. Sniffing. I blinked back tears putting the phone down on the table and held myself on the chair looking down. Dr. Cade moved but I raised my hand shaking it.

"No....I'm....I'm fine", I said quietly.

"You're not fine", said Dr. Cade.

"Just....I need to be alone", I said looking back at him. "Please", I said quietly.

Dr. Cade swallowed, "Alright", was all he said and left respectably shutting the door behind him.

I stood there covering my mouth with a fist as I began to cry. I don't know wether I'd rather have her yell at me in person, or confuse me for someone else and complain about me to someone else. Even after what I was doing she still was only focused on me getting married. She thought women should stay at home. But that's not how the world works anymore. Yet still it hurt.

It really hurt.