Silver Linings

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

"So what do you want to do kid?" Danny asked as they sat in the car outside his house.

"Wait until we have a professional," Jamie replied. "In the meantime, I will pull back on the affection in case having that experience is awakening something in her."

"Good idea, but don't make her feel ugly or something, you know how women get," Danny laughed. "She might think you don't find her attractive anymore."

"Danny, Eddie will not think that. Don't worry." Jamie got out of the car and helped Danny inside. "Thanks for doing this. We make a pretty good team when we aren't fighting."

Danny agreed his kid brother was shaping up to be a decent detective even without his gold shield. "I'll call you tomorrow with a doctor's information and we'll fill him or her in on what we know. They can decide how to tell her what she's scared of and how to make her better."

Jamie agreed to the plan then headed home. Eddie would be arriving home from her tour in just a few minutes. He didn't want her to know where he had gone, he wasn't going to be able to tell her the true horror of what she'd experience. She'd blocked it out with good reason.

Jamie started a chicken and potatoes for dinner. Eddie came in a little after five to a fully cooked dinner. "Whoa, lamb chop look at you going all out!" Eddie exclaimed happily. "I had a long day...what did you do on your day off?"

"I went on a little trip with Danny," Jamie replied. "It was nice and we did a little more digging on Thomas Casey. We're looking to move him out of the 1-2. I don't like the vibe I get from him."

"Jamie, no..." Eddie sighed. "I have to learn to handle this. I have no reason to be scared of him, I just am. I love you so much for caring but..."

"Eddie, you don't like him and you don't trust him. I don't trust him. I really don't want him possibly riding with you, me, or anyone else in the precinct that we know and care about. I'm sorry, Eddie, you have to trust me here...I'm using my hook. It's come to that!"

Eddie knew better than to argue with Jamie when he got into this mood. Angry, protective Jamie was a very unique individual. He doesn't show up very often but when he does everyone should just stay back and agree. "All right," Eddie replied. "All right, if that's how you feel I won't say anything else. Let's just enjoy this wonderful meal you prepared and if you want we can watch a DVD in bed and just...lay like broccoli."

Jamie offered a small smile, "I'd like that a lot." He moved across the room to hug her. He wanted to hold her close and never let her go again. He was still reeling from the information he and Danny learned that day, but now was not the time to share it with Eddie. She had to hear that in a controlled way, in a safe place, with professionals that can help her.

Eddie hugged him back and rubbed his cheek against his chest, "What's wrong, Jamie?" She knew him too well, something was bothering him and she wanted to know what. She wanted to help.

"It's still had that's all," he replied. "To work with Danny on something without Joe or instead of it being me and Joe. I'm missing my brother."

It wasn't a lie. With everything happening with Eddie, Jamie did miss Joe. As much as Danny tried he lacked a sensitivity that linked Jamie to Joe. Still, Danny had come a long way, his help had been invaluable.

Eddie sighed, "Oh baby...." She stroked his hair and rubbed his back gently. "I have no idea how much that must have hurt. I wish I had been there for you."

"I wish you had too," Jamie replied. "Let's have our dinner...I feel like I just want to hold you all night. Would that be okay?"

Eddie smiled, "That would precious."

Eddie and Jamie spent the rest of the night snuggling in their bed. He held her close and rubbed her arms up and down. She dozed off on his chest and managed a full night's sleep without nightmares.

The next afternoon as Jamie worked with Kara on the beat, his cell rang. "Hey Walsh, I have to get this, it's Danny."

Jamie picked up and listened. "That is great, I will be there to get you at ten tomorrow morning. I'm on nights after today...Oh can Eddie stay at your place? I'm scared about her being alone, except for last night she's had a dream every night."

"You got it," Danny replied. "Linda and I aren't you but if she needs us...I told Linda a little bit of what we found out. She's not at all surprised Eddie repressed this so badly. She says when it comes out it'll explode."

"I know, so I will see you tomorrow, we'll fill in this Dr. Schmidt about Eddie and see what she wants to do. I think it's probably best if I tell Eddie with the doctor there...but I'm no shrink..."

"No, and you might do more harm than good," Danny replied. "See you tomorrow morning kid."

Eddie was happy she would be staying with Danny and Linda when Jamie was on midnights. She was scared to be alone after what she had done to herself.

"It's only three days and you are off before I go in so we can meet in Brooklyn for dinners," Jamie told her. "I'll take you bags when I go see Danny tomorrow."

Eddie smiled and packed a bag to go to Danny's. She and Jamie enjoyed a Chinese takeout dinner and went to catch a late show. In the morning, Jamie headed to Staten Island to meet Danny. Linda was still home, "Hey, how was she last night?"

"Coffee," was Jamie's reply. "2:30 and 4:45 she woke up screaming....At least now she calls for me so I know I have her trust. She's going to scream out Jamie when she has the dreams."

"I am going to crash in the room with her," Linda told him. "So she doesn't have a chance to act against herself before she is fully awake. We've got this and I am sure the doctor can help."

Jamie thank Linda for her support and after his coffee headed out with Danny for the consult. They sat feeling out of place in the waiting room until they were called. "Have a seat, I'm Dr. Schmidt. It's good to meet you both though I'm sorry your loved one is struggling."

Jamie nodded, "She is suffering, Doctor. She barely sleeps at all and when she does she wakes up screaming and crying. She nearly gave herself severe burns a few weeks ago by scalding herself trying to "get clean." She's repressed the memory so deeply she can't recover it, but if she can't make her peace with it how can she heal?"

"She can't...she has to make her peace, she has to remember. What I suggest is I see her for a few sessions, gauge her mental state outside of the dreams. Then, slowly we will begin the process of recovering her lost memories. It is a painful and it is slow but 95% of the patients do very well."

The doctor seemed to know her stuff, Jamie felt at ease but Danny, as usual had his questions. Jamie smiled at that, he was looking out for him and for Eddie. "What about the other 5%?"

"Of that 5%, 45% eventually recovered and got off the medication but the other 55% suffered permanent psychological damage, some even committed suicide. I won't lie to you, I can't guarantee which percentage your girlfriend will fall into."

Jamie took a deep breath, "And people with these repressed memories, if they don't get treatment what happens to them?"

"Most continue to live with the dreams and the flashbacks that make no sense to them. Many start to drink or take some other substance to cope...some also commit suicide. Getting help is a lot safer. After we address the dreams we take her back to the site of the original trauma. There we tell her what we know...if we can flood her mind with the actual events where they took place, the reaction is enormous...but it works..."

"Whoa, you want to take her back there and have Eddie relive....and what if in the flood she drowns?" Jamie was concerned and looked over at Danny for guidance.

"You've got to go for it, Kid. She needs to be free...If she drowns...we'll be there to throw her as many lines as she needs to get her head above water. I'll come, Linda too...she's not alone and neither are you."

Jamie and Danny shook the doctor's hand and made an appointment for later that week. Jamie was going to bring Eddie the first time at least and sit in the waiting room for moral support. He was unsure about the rest of it, scared of what it all might do to Eddie. He couldn't lose her, though, that he was sure of beyond a doubt. He'd do whatever it took to see her through.