Silver Linings

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Twelve

"Don't be scared," Jamie told Eddie as they walked into the doctor's office for her first session. "Danny and I met with the doctor and I talked to her about the dreams. She is really nice and understanding."

"I'm not scared, whatever this is has to stop and I am going to do all the work I have to do so we can finally have some peace." Eddie assured him as she introduced herself to the receptionist and got the forms to fill out. She took her time and made sure they were filled out accurately.

Exactly on time, Dr. Schmidt called out, "Eddie Janko. Come on back...I'm Dr. Schmidt. Would you like to talk alone or if you feel more comfortable you can bring your boyfriend."

"Jamie would you?" Eddie asked but he was already standing.

He kept silent and held her hand walking in. The room was large and comfortable, not at all stifling. Eddie and Jamie sat side by side on the couch, "Eddie, Jamie tells me you are having some very troubling nightmares but you are so far unable to ascertain their cause. Why don't you describe them to me?"

Eddie began to describe the nightmares, "I'm alone...it's always cold and I'm walking in the dark. It's peaceful at first and I feel safe. Then everything explodes, there are lights, and hands all over, faceless bodyless hands...and feet, I'm being held down and kicked and poked..." Eddie starts to shake. Eddie reaches over for Jamie. "I can't breathe and I am so scared. I see Jamie on the steps or a ladder, something high and I scream for him but he never comes, never..."

"Eddie, you know if I was there and saw this terrible thing happening to you that I would be there! You know that!" Jamie insisted.

She was too upset to answer him. She wiped her eyes and sniffled, "He never comes...I call out for him to and he just stands there."

Dr. Schmidt watched the couple's dynamic, she knew this young couple was in trouble if they didn't get a handle on what was going on. Jamie repeatedly tried to comfort Eddie, to hold her and assure her if her dreams were real he'd be there to save her. To Eddie it was all too real, it happened and in the mess of her unconscious mind, she saw Jamie hanging her out to dry.

"Okay, Eddie. I think the manifestation of Jamie in your dreams isn't related to the dream itself. How do you feel when you have a dream and you wake up? What happens then?"

Eddie sighed, "Jamie is there...usually he's there. He had to work the last three nights but he arranged for me to stay with his brother and sister-in-law. She slept in the room with me and that was nice of her. Jamie, he'll hold me and rock me. He'll tell me it's okay and that I can't get hurt. But I can. I get hurt every time I close my eyes."

"Could you be frustrated with him for not understanding that?" Dr. Schmidt asked. "Do you feel like maybe you aren't being heard?"

"I know he hears me, I know he understand," Eddie replied looking at Jamie. "I think I'm just...I think I'm mad at him for not being there. But I don't know if there is a there. Is this just a sick dream coming from what I see on the streets or did this happen to me or someone I know."

Dr. Schmidt looked at Jamie. "Jamie, why don't we tell Eddie what we discussed."

Eddie turned to look at Jamie. He was crying silently thinking of what he was going to have to do. He took a deep breath, "Eddie, understand I had to do this. After what happened in the bathroom that night, I had no choice. I had to find out if you are repressing something or if you were just struggling. Danny and I took a trip to see you father."

Eddie's face grew red with anger, 'How dare you!" she snapped. "I don't want him to know anything about my life..."

"Eddie, hear him out," Dr. Schmidt coached. "Take a breath and hear him out."

Eddie obeyed and turned to look at Jamie. He looked like someone was torturing him. "Eddie...He told us..." Jamie's voice broke but he pushed on. "He told us what happened to you, honey. He told us everything and something did happen to you. You aren't manifesting it, you are trying to remember it."

Eddie's face turned ashen. This was real. The horror and the pain was real, and she clearly remembered none of it. "Then why don't I remember?"

Dr. Schmidt sighed, "Likely the trauma you suffered at the time was more than your body or your mind was able to handle, so to protect yourself you blocked the experience out. The way to recover those memories..."

"Well, why do I have to recover them?" Eddie asked. "Why can't Jamie just tell me what he found out?"

"That won't help you," Dr. Schmidt replied. "You have to unlock this memory for yourself and then we have to work together, the three of us to heal you from the inside out."

"How do we do that?" Eddie asked. "Do you hypnotize me or something?"

"No, no we don't. We use a technique that requires you to go back to the site of the trauma. We will use Jamie's knowledge to recreate that night for you. I will be there, Jamie will be there too. If there is something else that you want to include, they can be there too. Once you remember, things might get harder for a while, but it will settle down. "

When they left the doctor's office Eddie was shaking. "Hey, it's going to be okay. You take your time and we'll do this when you are ready."

"Jamie, I am ready for you to be honest and tell me what you know, this happened to me and somehow I blocked it out. My parents didn't see fit to tell me!"

"Eddie, you were young. They wanted to protect you, I don't think it was the right choice but I didn't make that choice. I am not going to tell you here and now because Dr. Schmidt is the expert and she says it is dangerous for you to remember like that!"

Jamie stepped away from her for a minute and ran a hand through his hair, "Eddie, I won't lose you over this. I won't do it. I wish I could just take you home, sit you on my lap and tell you everything your father told me and Danny, but I can't. This demon is not a dream, it is real and it is living inside of you! I'm not going to reach in there and pull it out so it can tear you apart while I do it!"

Eddie started to walk towards the subway, "Where are you going?" Jamie asked as she sped up.

"Home, I can't be with you right now, I just can't. You know my secret, a secret I don't even know and you won't share it with me!" Eddie spun around and met him with anger flashing in her eyes. 'You went behind my back to find this out, and now you are keeping it a secret! You say it is for my own good. How is it for my own good to be betrayed by the only person I have been able to trust since my father went to prison? How is that supposed to be okay?"

She was nearing tears, Jamie closed the gap with a few running steps. "I'm trying to help you, maybe I could have talked to you but...you scalded yourself in a shower trying to rid yourself of the memories. If I didn't wake up when I did...I had to do something and fast. I am not going to stand by and let you hurt yourself!"

"But it's okay for you to hurt me right?" Eddie asked with a hint of defeat and a hint of annoyance.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you, Eddie and deep down you know that. Let's go home, let's go home and talk this out baby...Can on?"

Jamie reached out his hand to Eddie hoping she would place hers inside of his. "I can't right now Jamie. I can't. Go to work, I'm going home. I'll talk to you in the morning okay?"

She didn't give him a chance to answer, just headed down into the subway terminal leaving Jamie standing and staring as she walked away.