My sunshine

Chapter 5: Denial

It's already been a week since I've been in the hospital. I already got my my stitches but my doctor recommended I stay a little longer. I've been meeting up with dr.Macee or Liza all week, talking about life and how I was holding up. I told her about my friends and family and other simple things you would tell a person getting to know you.
I learned she's a 23 year old women who became a therapist because she loves helping people. She has helped people ages 12-56 and has heard very hectic stories. She soon became like a best friend to me. She would walk with me outside and give me book recommendations and even bought me ice cream.
Danica visited me constantly, which I liked. She would tell me what was happening at school and the lessons I missed. Apparently Glenn asked out this other girl but got turned down. I felt betrayed but I was over him, I didn't need someone like him in my life.
Danica helped me delete all the photos and conversations I had with him, she deleted his number and blocked him from every social media I had. It was a big process though, I had to let go little by little but soon that little became nothing and soon I deleted everything.
I told Liza about it and she was proud how I handled it. Soon enough it was ready for me to go home. My left arm was now functional and I was free to walk around as well, before my mom or Liza had to push me in a wheelchair so I wouldn't be stressed or something.
Liza came into my room and invited me to take a walk with her before I was leaving. She was happy I was able to walk now because that meant I was getting better. She was different this time quieter than usual, "hey is something wrong? Are you gonna miss me this bad." I laughed and playfully punched her arm. She barely reacted.
"Do you understand why I asked you all those questions?" She asked me still not looking straight at me. I thought about and then responded, "yeah because I cut myself right?" She nodded and smile sadly, "well yes... But we found out something about you. You have depression." I stared at her in disbelief, I didn't want to believe it, why me? "You're just kidding right?!" I started to yelling, "I'm sorry Annabelle..." I fell on my knees and started crying. I didn't want to have this depression, it will just make me feel more worthless then I already am. Liza kneeled down and gave me a hug and we stayed like that for a while.
She helped me up and we walked back to my room. When we entered I saw my parents. My mom was in tears and my dad was comforting her, they turned around and my mom gave me a big hug. "My baby!" She kissed my forehead and I started to cry again. After awhile we were all packed and about to leave the hospital, Liza stopped us before leaving asking if she can tell me something. I nodded no, I didn't want to hear anymore bad news. It was heart breaking to say bye like that but I couldn't stand being in this hospital any longer, my mom told me and my dad to go ahead and that she was going to talk to Liza.
It was already late afternoon when we left. I can finally see more of the outdoors then just the hospital's garden. I was able to see the sun go down creating a beautiful sunset. I couldn't help but wonder what my mom and Liza talked about. When my mom came back she was holding a white bag with my name on it.
My parents and I weren't talking most of the way, the silence was killing me. "So am I going to school tomorrow?" It was only Wednesday and I don't think I can afford missing any more classes. My parents looked at each other and took awhile to answer, finally my dad looked at me through the rear view mirror, "well your mother and I think it's best if you stay home a few more days." I looked back at them confused, "but I'm fine now. That's what the doctor said-" "I know dear but we want you to stay home okay, you can go maybe around next week or so." I don't know why this ragged me so much, it's like there was something they weren't telling me.
"STOP THE CAR!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, I needed answers to this nonsense. "What are you not telling me? I'm fine so why can't I go to school!?" Both of my parents hesitated to answer me, I can sense my mom was about to start crying again and my dad was getting ready to comfort her. "Honey..." My mom began, "you just got told you have depression. You're probably as shocked as we are and we have to get through this together." She didn't want to look at me because we would start crying, "dr. Macee said that you should take time in getting used to the depression and that it's not a weakness." I wanted to punch the car window so badly because I was so mad, and then my mom passed me a little note. "She gave this to me... It's for you."
I took it from my moms hand and she also gave me the white bag she was carrying. It was bigger then the regular medicine bag so there had to be more inside.
We finally got home and I wanted to save what was in the bag for when I got inside. As we opened the door 2 figures almost hugged me to death, as they let go I saw that it was Danica and Victoria. I almost cried when I saw them but my body was too tired to do anything. "I missed you guys!" I said and started to hug them back. They guided me to the dinning room. "Wala! A feast for the guest of honor." Both of them said presenting a whole table full of food.
There was mainly Chinese food because none of them knew how to cook but they do know I love my Chinese food. When Danica and Victoria went home I decided to go to sleep early.
It was only 8 o'clock but it's been a long day. When I walked into my room the first thing I did was snuggle in bed, it's been so long since I felt it's comfort. I looked around my room, all my anime posters on the wall and my drawing notebooks on my working desk I missed it all.
The hospital room was so boring, the only interesting thing was the view from the window. Suddenly my mom comes in with a cup filled with hot chocolate in her hand. "Welcome back to your hideaway." She said giggling and handing me the cup, I laugh with her and took a sip.
My mom called it my hideaway because I would always be here drawing, watching anime or anything for that matter. As my mom left I saw the white bag on a chair beside my door. I stared at it for a while wondering what was inside. I opened the package. Inside was a cute notebook like the ones you would get from book stores with a cute quote on the front, medicine and a cd. I then read the note Liza left me.
Annabelle, I know it's hard to accept what you have and you're probably mad at me but it's not your fault it happened. Sometimes things happen to us and we should just accept them. Now I want you to take my advice okay, if you don't your depression will get worse and you would have to do more things then you would now. First please use the notebook I have you as a diary, it helps with spilling your feelings and can be a substitute for cutting. Don't hurt those beautiful arms again. Next please take your medicine at least twice every other day, it's not strong but if you take them constantly you might get very tired and get nausea. The cd are songs and artist you told me about and some calming song I thought you might like, it can help will calming down and listening to I hope you enjoy it. And please, please, please talk to me when you can. I'm always free to talk whether through phone, text or even in person. Here's my number # 647-341-6791 I hope you'll do what I ask, I really don't want this to become worse then it already is. You're a strong girl and I know you can get through this rough time.
Sincerely, Elizabeth a.k.a Liza
I kept her words in mind but I don't know if I actually wanted to. I knew I wasn't depressed. I'm not sick! I know I'm not. I put the things back in the bag except the medicine and placed it in a box where I kept my old drawings. I didn't think I needed them that much but just incase I gave my parents my meds. All I want to do now is sleep and hope this was all just a bad dream. All that matters now was that in home.