Happening >>Riley Matthews<<

Chapter 11

Maybe Lucas was broken. In his own way. He would never intentionally hurt me... Have I underestimated him this whole time? Gee, am I such a horrible human being.

"Farkle? What's wrong with me?" I looked up at his face. So gentle. Wait... I like Lucas.

"Nothing's wrong with you. You just don't know what's happening to you."

I'm glad he interrupted my thoughts.

"Then what is happening to me?" I asked. I felt like a lost traveler in the woods and he was the only one who came looking for me after I was found missing. I searched his face for some kind of answer to my problem. Any answer. I would even take a brick. That would answer a lot of my questions.

Am I worthless?

Yes.

Do I matter to anyone?

No.

Why am I breathing?

Because the world likes to watch you suffer.

Thanks a lot.

Yeah, no problem. I'll be here all week. And are you aware that your so pathetic and desperate that you're talking to a brick?

"You know that I love you, right?"

My breath hitched in my throat. He loved me? Did he want me to date him?

"You are the best friend I have ever had. You have always had my back and always defended me. I wouldn't trade our friendship for the world."

I'm getting mixed messages, Farkle. What are you thinking? What are you saying?

"You trust me, right?

"Of course, why wouldn't I? You've never given me a reason not to. Then there's me on the other hand..."

"Riley. Stop putting yourself down. You want to know what's happening to you?"

Yes I do. I nodded. I didn't have any words.

"I honestly think your depressed. You won't admit it so I will. You're depressed. You won't let yourself be happy and there's someone inside of you who's tearing you down bit by bit and you're okay with it. Well, I'm not. I can't stand to see someone I care so deeply about depressed like this."

"Are you saying you don't trust my judgement of what's happening to me?!" Now he's turning on me, too?! I thought he just said he loved me! Well, that's out the window.

"Honestly, I think that you're so wrapped up with your neighbor to see what's going on. I can see it on your face. You're oblivious to what your feeling."

He went too far. Pressed all the wrong buttons.

"Get out." I pointed toward the bay window indicating that he should go join them too. "Get out." I said again when he just gave me a blank stare.

"Farkle, I'm not in a good mood and I don't want to say something that I don't mean. I need space. I can't move so I'm telling you. Get out." He followed my finger in silence. He stopped at the window and looked back at me. "And you can tell those other traitors that they are free to leave too."

His eyes were wide and almost fearful. He shook his head at me. "You've changed." He said in disgust. With that he crawled out that window.

Leaving me.

Alone.

In a room that didn't even seem my own.

In a place where I'm broken.

Where I needed somebody.

Farkle! I didn't mean it! I don't have someone to cry on anymore! I'm sorry! Come back, please!

Lucas! I didn't mean it! I don't have someone to soothe me anymore! I'm sorry! Come back, please!

Maya! I didn't mean it! I don't have someone to call my best friend anymore. I'm sorry! Come back, please!

Please! All of you! Please come back! I didn't mean it! I need you! I don't have anyone! I'm alone! I said something I didn't mean! I'm sorry... really sorry. I promise.

I looked over at the bay window that they all crawled out of. All of their backpacks were still there. So was Lucas' laptop. I hobbled over to the window and picked it up. He must have set it down on his way out.

I sat down, propped my balloon of an ankle up, and opened the laptop. I looked at that definition of depression again. I am sad. I am confused. I am confused because I don't know why I'm sad. I've just lived in this cocoon of nothingness for so long that I'm blind.

Farkle was right and I was wrong. Like I always am. And now I have to face them at school. I closed the laptop and set it in his open backpack.

I set all of the backpacks outside of my bay window because I knew they'd be back to finish their homework. Well, maybe not Maya, but her phone was in there. The way she stormed out, she easily could've forgotten it. She most likely did.

Just as I shut the window, I heard the front door open and close. Shoot! They're going to be mad about my ankle!

I waddled out to the living area where my family was taking off their jackets and laughing and having a good time. My mom noticed me limping and came running up to me.

"Honey! What happened?"

"Oh, I had come down to get a snack and tripped on the step."

"How did you get it wrapped up like that? I didn't think you knew we had a medical cabinet."

"Topanga, I think she would know where it is. I mean she's lived here all her life." My mom turned around and glared at my father. He was speechless and awkwardly pointed toward the hallway which is where he went. To his room, I assumed. Or to the potty. Either one would make sense. Auggie followed. Probably wanting to watch baseball with Dad.

"Yeah, I knew we had one. I put ice on it and wrapped it, but it hasn't improved for the past hour. It happened after the gang left." Lie. "So I texted Farkle and he suggested that I go see a doctor."

My mom nodded her head in agreement. "Corey! I'm taking Riley to the doctor!" She yelled.

She threw me my light jacket and grabbed hers again and her keys. Out the door we went.

Why did I tell Farkle to leave?