The Sinful Love Of Hatred

Chapter 4

"What if i do want to let him know?"
"Then you might as well go break him, go hurt him like how you would do to me easily. "
"Simon, I'm -"
"The last thing i would need right now is explanations. I don't need you to explain your stand or whatever, because to me, it's nothing. I have my answers, i don't need pretty lies from a liar like you."
"Simon-"
"Leave! now!"
"Simon, no i won't. I won't until i have tell you what i feel."

Simon looked at Raphael with plain disgust and disbelief, laughing hysterically.

"You telling me how you feel? Oh please Raphael, i have feel it for a good 20 years to know what you feel. Please don't try to be a clown, because it isn't funny at all."

Simon sat down on the sofa, laying his back on the cushion with the towel still wrapping his lower part of the body. Simon lifted his head up, unraveling the same old him. The face that will never change, curly hair which are soft and silky, signature smile that would brighten up anyone's day. Why would anyone wants to hurt such an innocent young boy? And maybe only Raphael, maybe only him.

"I...i.."
"Speak, explain yourself. I thought you have a lot to say just now?"
"Look, I'm sorry for what happened to Jace them. I'm sorry for being such a jerk when you were hurting."

"Shut up! Who are you to talk about Jace them? Who are you! You never been by my side for that 20 years, and now, i am never going to be by your side forever. Jace accompanied me for 13 years, the least i could do is grief for him. The least i could do is save him and the rest. Do you know if i didn't like you, i wouldn't have to live in guilt for rejecting Isabelle before that mission? Do you know? No you don't. Did you know her last words was to tell me to give up on you and take good care of myself. Now the least i could do for Izzy is to listen to her one last time. I could never ever see her fighting demons with that whip, never hear her melodious voice commanding, never see her in her favourite heels running down the street. Never."

"Simon I'm sorry, i really am sorry."

"Sorry? Would you like to feel this heart ache for 20 years? Would you! Jace always asked me why i will suddenly collapse and i clutch my heart. Till that particular mission, he was still asking. And do you know they got torn apart? Because of that heart ache, i was crippled and Jace saved my ass from dying and instead, the shax demon got him. I thought i had it all controlled, but i figured i was miserably wrong."

Simon felt like crying, voice all choked up and fist tightening. Raphael was biting his bottom lips, drawing blood. He feels the urge to kiss those pretty eyes and hug Simon, comforting him. But he couldn't, he shouldn't. The least he could do now is to not agitate him.

"I am never going to forgive you. So you can wait till the day you burned to ashes, i will still not forgive you. I won't Raphael. I won't. I am a monster, you made me a monster, but i might as well stay as a monster. "

"No, Simon, no.... it's all my fault, i know i have done a lot that hurted you, i know. But i want you to know that i love you. I really do."

"Love? That's the last thing i would expect and talk about, as I'm just a love-less monster like you. "

Raphael got dressed up, and all sad. He wants to stay, but clearly he shouldn't. Yesterday was a total havoc and he should have seen it coming, but yet he let his emotions take control and made things worse.

"I should go."
"Don't forget what i said, i will snap your neck if you tell Stan. "

Till now, the person you care is only Stan.

Raphael didn't reply Simon, he picked himself up and left really quickly. He could feel his fist trembling with anger and jealousy. But in what place was he in to be jealous?

After Raphael left the room, Simon started crying. He broke down once again, as he sees the photo they take during Magnus and Alec's wedding. They were all happy and excited, they were still so young. They were filled with smiles. But yet Simon always clutches his heart every time he feels the rejection wave of pain. Everytime Raphael is more determined in rejecting him, he breaks a bit. He was barely 18.

He started throwing things, making a big mess even though he knows that Raphael is still outside. He can feel him. The worse thing was feeling him.

Then he fall on his knees, hugging his head like a desperate kid. A kid in despair. Why couldn't him just forget about Raphael, why couldn't he just break the bond. Why?

I hate you to the guts. I hate you.

- Raphael

Raphael picked himself up and left the apartment, just sitting outside hearing Simon. The night sky are filled with stars. Bright stars like what Simon always said. 'Bright stars are the light of night, just like sun is the light of day.' Simon loves stars. Simon would pout whenever he is sad or that his wish isn't fulfilled. Simon would tug the hem of his shirt when he is nervous and bite his bottom lips when he is afraid. Simon would lick his lips out of habit just like how he would when he is alive. He turned such a wonderful person to a vampire and broke him. He don't deserve Simon, but he is willing to ask for forgiveness, do everything for him. But, Simon will never accept him anymore.

Raphael looked upon the stars and gently whispered his wishes.

"I hope Simon would never hurt again... i hope Simon can learn to love again. I hope Simon is back... i hope my Simon will be back..."

"What are you doing here!"
"Alec Lightwood?!"

Raphael jumped slightly before reacting to the nephilim standing right in front of him. The Lightwood stared at Raphael, scanning him like a police chief before shaking his head.

"Leave now or else i make sure i get you back to Hotel Dumort in ways that are definitely unfriendly. "

Raphael sighed slightly before pacing down the corridor in an extremely slow pace. He continued walking until he heard a screech from Alec. It was Simon.

Raphael ran as fast as he could, a speed he never ran before. When he is in the apartment, blood was flowing and Simon was in a coma. Alec was hugging him tightly as his hands trembling in fear while he struggles to call Magnus. Shattered glass with blood stained, frameless pictures and everything were in a huge mess. Raphael feels his heart sunk when Simon isn't waking. Simon is losing blood. Losing lots of blood. His injuries isn't healing properly. Raphael could tell Simon did not feed in a few days. He ran to the kitchen, grabbing blood to feed Simon.

"What did you do Raphael! I told you to leave him alone! If you don't love him, why are you holding him up? Why are you tearing him apart?! Why!"

"I'm sorry..."
"Is that the only thing you know how to say? He is a vampire because of you, he fell in love with you and you broke his heart! Who are you to do all this to him?! I'm going to ask Magnus to break the soulmate bond, I'm going to put things back in order."
"No, Alec please! No... "

"You don't deserve him."