Just some poetry

XXXIX. Him.

Dear him,
I still dream about you every so often. In most of my dreams you do something so sweet, at the end of the day you always seem to run away. I miss you a lot and today you are on my mind more than usual. I still feel butterflies in my stomach thinking about you. I knew you probably weren't the one but I still fell in love. I honestly wonder if you dream about me, or miss me, or loved me. I wish I could've kissed you, that I wasn't so scared that day you stared at my lips every so often, one time you even tried to lean in. I was scared to have my first kiss so I just looked away. Don't think I didn't want to kiss you, I was just afraid. Maybe you wouldn't like kissing me, maybe I wasn't a good kisser, maybe I wouldn't like kissing you, maybe I would make a mistake somehow. I remember your hand in mine, the size difference but still so cute. I rubbed my thumb softly into your hand and laid my head in your shoulder. I still remember your cologne and the way it smelled so home. I still have the bear you got me for valentines and I can't seem to give it away. You Michigan state hoodie was my favorite. Not sure why, maybe because you wore it the night we skyped or the way it made you look so cute. Maybe I wasn't good enough, i really was just lucky. I'm sorry I couldn't be her, im sorry for being me. I'm a little mean, I swear a little to much, I'm a little too aggressive. You saw my emotions, and the things I did when I felt a certain way. I felt you warm stare so often in class and the heat rise through my neck and the smile creep upon my face. I'm pretty sure you caught me staring so many times before, but I loved the way you looked so off guard. You would smile
Slightly sometimes or bite your lip when concentrated. Your eyes burned so blue and so full of emotion and wonder. They way you looked when you were a little lost and your puppy dog face. I remember staring out the window as the sun rose and the sky exploded, I could see out of the corner of my eye you staring at me. I was already so happy of the color sky, and my smile so wide staring at something so beautiful. I wonder what you thought of me in that moment, you already knew I thought that the sky is more beautiful than I could ever be. I guess I'm more ranting now, this was supposed to be a simple letter to you saying I still miss you, and deep inside I still love you.