Rejecting Dawn

Chapter 15

I stared at the unconscious Mabel, lying lifelessly on my bed.

This is all my fault.

If I hadn't had dragged her into my life and hadn't had forced her here, she wouldn't have had passed out from exhaustion. The pack doctor Jane, had poked and prodded some needles into her creamy skin. Though she says that Mabel would wake up within the next four hours, I don't believe her.

You really can't blame me on that one.

She told me Fury would be back. But it's almost three months without her now. How I survived alone was beyond my imagination. Maybe it was because of my friends. A pang of guilt and hurt passed along my body making it difficult for me to breathe for a while.

Are they still my friends?...

Considering the fact that I ran away leaving just a flimsy piece of paper for them was like carelessly throwing away the best pair of shoes that protects your feet from those sharp stones and dirty mud. I completely disrespected our friendship, sabotaged the only good thing that I had. I rarely have good things in my life and I don't know how to treat them. How to keep them. All I seemed to do was to chase them away.

I am a pathetic hopeless lost case.

If I were them, I'd probably be hurt and angry. Will they even forgive me for mocking our friendship by throwing it and running away?

They will hate me!

The moment I ran away, it felt right. This is what I have been doing all along. Running away from my problems...

If I had only faced them from the very beginning, everything would have been fine. Mom and Owen would have been alive. This is all my fault.

Everything is. Xerxus was right.

Just thinking about Xerxus made the humiliating memories surface in my mind. It was like as if I was plunged into a sea of flashbacks. His huge hands roamed on my body like as if it was hard to keep it with himself. Those prickling sensations of pleasure I got as his hands roamed around me. All those sparks. The way how our breaths were in short pants. The way how his minty breath felt like I just took a breather outside the fresh forest. It warmed up my soul and I felt elated.

I could have sworn I saw lust, hunger and adoration in those mind blowing eyes of his. Who am I kidding? That would happen on the day when wolves fly. He called me by my name for the first time. It was magical, more pleasurable than what his hands were doing to me. If that even made any sense.

Whereas his hands gave me physical pleasure, hearing my name from his pouty lips felt like he lit my soul on fire. It felt everything in me was evaporating. And it didn't help that I had a much stronger pull to him since he marked me.

What else does he keep on calling me?

Slut?

Whore?

Liar?

A fresh batch of tears filled my eyes as I remembered how I allowed him to tear down my clothes and let him touch me. If he hadn't stopped, I would have let him fully mark me and we would have been bound together for eternity.

Am I really a whore for letting him touch me? For feeling the things I never felt? I definitely felt something pool between my legs. A deep aching that I knew only my mate could help me get rid of.

'He didn't even kiss you' the snide voice in my head kept repeating the phrase. 'He just toyed with you, just like how anyone would with a cheap ass slutting whore' I felt like someone was choking me and I just wanted to let go. To run away, just like I always do.