The diagnosis

Chapter 10

Harry and I walked hand in hand towards the wing of the hospital that I was told I would be having my appointment. We walked in silence as I thought of the worst things the doctor could say to me. What if treatment isn't working and I don't have much longer to live? I pushed my thoughts away, not wanting to think about those types of thoughts.

As we neared the waiting area my heart was in my throat. I was so scared. Harry looked over at me and squeezed my hand lightly. I gave him the best smile I could manage. I knew it wasn't a good one by the sad look on his face. We walked up the the counter and let the worker know I was there. 

Harry then pulled me towards a seat and let go of my hand. I looked over at him with my eyebrows scrunched together. He was like my lifeline how can he let go of my hand unless he wants me to fly away into space. Harry took my face in both of his hands and looked me in the eyes. 

"Stop scaring yourself Andy. You're going to be fine, I know it." I noticed a slight flinch in his facial features when he spoke the last part. My face crumpled and he pulled my into his arms. "You're lying, you're face flinched." I whispered.

"No I'm not Andy. Listen, I only flinched because anything can happen and there is a slight chance that you won't be fine, I flinched because of that slight chance. I have all the faith though that they are going to be giving us some good news in there." I nodded, not being able to speak.

"Andy." a woman spoke. Both Harry and me rose from our seats. "Sorry sir, she just has to get her MRIs and tests done before her appointment, you can't come with her for that." I looked towards the ground sadly. Harry lifted my face to his and kissed me gently. "Be strong for me, I'll be with you soon." He whispered before I was ushered away.

They completed many scans and blood tests that I had to go through when I had been first diagnosed with cancer. Finally, they were finished with me and I went back to the waiting room where I saw Harry sitting with his chin on his hands and his knee bouncing impatiently. 

He jumped up from his seat when he saw me. "How was it?" I shrugged my shoulders and rubbed my arm. I hated needles and confined spaces and you get a bunch of both when you're getting tested. Harry pulled me into his arms once again. We sat a waited for another hour or two. We talked and laughed, just getting to know each other. Every time he talked about his passions or his family or about anything really, I could feel myself falling more and more for him. Finally my name was called.

We walked into the small white, clean smelling, room and took a seat. Not long after an older male doctor walked in with a bunch of papers. "Hello, Andy is it?" I nodded, too nervous to speak. "Sorry you waited so long, we had to go over the results and there were some complications that we had to go over multiple times. 

My eyes widened at the word complications. I looked over to Harry with a scared expression. He put his hand on mine. "Before we go into results and all that, how have you been doing with this life changing discovery? I see you met a guy?" 

I nodded. "It was a big and difficult change but I managed, with the help of Harry of course." The doctor nodded. "You appear to be a lot happier. I have written down here that you were clinically depressed and you do not appear to be that way anymore. I don't mean to go into it or anything, I'm not a therapist or anything, but happiness will help with your recovery."

Harry smiled down at me. "Now, I think I kept you both waiting long enough, would you like to know about our results?" I nodded and squeezed Harry's hand, preparing myself for what is to come. My heart rate picked up immensely and I began to feel dizzy as an anxiety attack ripped its way through me.

The doctor was looking at a bunch of pictures. He picked one up and placed it on the table. Harry and I looked at it. "See these little spots?" He asked. I nodded, how could I not? The thing was covered in those dots, almost like a Christmas tree. "OK." He picked up that picture and places another one down with only one spot. 

"This was you on your first test. A pretty large cancer cell beginning to take its effects on you." I swallowed. "Now this" He said picking up another picture but held it in a way so neither Harry or me could see. "Is your new one. Um, I personally, haven't seen anything like this happen before." The doctor seemed nervous. 

Did my one dot become like the other picture? Did my cancer spread that much? I began panicking. The doctor placed the picture down and felt Harry's hand tighten on mine. Oh my god. I gasped.