The diagnosis

Chapter 25

After what seemed like forever, the room began to brighten and I continued to write as I practically had to pin my eyes open. Unlike some teenagers, I was really bad at staying up late, let alone pulling all nighters.

Eventually, Harry began to stir and he finally woke up. I continued to write, because of who I am, I just had to finish. "Hello." Harry's husky morning voice gave me chills. "Hello sleepy head. Did you sleep well?" He nodded and stretched slightly, almost pushing me off the couch. A small squeak left my lips just as Harry wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, preventing me from falling.

"Sorry. Wait, you didn't sleep did you? I'm really sorry, I meant to stay up with you so you wouldn't be lonely." His voice was panicky. "I didn't sleep, and I wasn't lonely. You were cuddling me like a teddybear all night, so I was perfectly content." I laughed, a blush crept into my cheeks though. Harry laughed and kissed me on my temple.

"Can I read what you writing? Are they songs?" Harry asked, peaking over my side. "Sure, go ahead, no they're just poems. If you read them from the beginning they're depressing so I understand if you don't want to read those. "Or course I want to read them all! I love to see, read, or hear about anything that goes on in that mind of yours. Can I read them out loud?" I nodded slightly. To be honest I was nervous about him reading them.

After this, he will have seen everything that I usually keep from everyone. This is the last wall I had up and he has easily nocked it down.

"My world is falling, crumbling apart, life is meaningless & that's just the start.

 My hearts so sore, I can feel it breaking & I swear to god it leaves me shaking

Late at night till early in the morning, lying in bed eyes wide open. Didn't sleep last night, like all the others, instead I just lie crying in the covers

Quick, wipe away all the tears before they come near. must hide this depression & the feelings of fear

For all they know I'm happy & always smiling, but deep inside my soul is dying

I can feel it rotting, it wants to scream, but I won't let it... not for the time being

I can never tell them how I feel cause the happiness I wear to them is real

For them to hear that I wish I was dead... it would kill them, they'd be filled with dread

So I'll try my best no to be selfish, I'll keep my secret hidden & just let them rest

but god I can't take it much longer... I'll probably be dead before they even wonder."

Harry went silent after reading that poem. He gave me a gentle kiss on the cheek before continueing to the next one. 

"Does anyone know

How I feel?

Feeling so alone

And so empty

My eyes are blank and my smile is fake

You can't just read me 

You just have to know me

The tears that escape me

As I remember all the things 

That went wrong

Or what it could of been like

On the outside I smile

On the inside I feel so dead to the world

Like I'm invisible

Not worth knowing

Useless and pointless