Delicious Minds

Are we masochists or too optimistic?

I couldn’t sleep. I stayed up all night. He was hunting my mind and now my dreams too!

Our story is not ours anymore, it is in the past,it has no future. So be nice and release me from the lock of a love that has gone long ago.

I remember the first time we met. He was 3 years older than me. He was smart, good-looking, funny, he had a beautiful soul and an innocent kid. I loved everything about him. He was, strange but true, a lot like me. I knew what and how he was going to say before he said anything. I knew what he was capable of and what he didn’t like. I knew he loved me once… Maybe, still does. I can’t risk it.

But I can’t help myself. I wanted to touch him. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to see that big green cat eyes I love so much. I wanted to feel him close to me. And I would risk anything to have those things back. His arms around me, his lips on mine.

I knew when I first met him, that something is not right. With him it was always right. But before him I was hurt, I knew it can’t be different from the first time. I knew he will hurt me too. But was I listening to myself? To my conscience! I should have listen. But why am I never listening? Why? Am I that masochist? I do not want pain in my life. I want to be happy. But who can teach me to be happy? Nobody knows what happiness really is. It is a feeling that comes and goes, but never stays.

And now? I was standing in his room. On his sofa. And trying to understand if I want all those things back along with the pain or I want freedom?

I don’t miss YOU, I miss your love. I miss the comfort provided by love. I want to love again. Unfortunately in love you can not decide on who, when or how it will happen. And I do not want to hear again that “Love will come when you least expect it.” You know what? I still do not expect anything, but I wish for it.

I tried to get over it but now standing in front of him, seeing his smile, hearing his voice, looking in his eyes…. I was stuck. I couldn’t say or do a thing. I just started crying.

And you?? What do you do?? You say that you don’t feel that way anymore… That’s just perfect. I can go on with my life now. Go out and have fun. But wait! I CAN’T. Why not???

This is not right…