Familiarity

Chapter 11

"You don't have to do this Emilia, I'd understand," Steve said holding the girl's shoulder.

"No, it's fine. I'm going to do this," Emilia said staring at the door, her thoughts focused only on him. "Let's do this."

Steve nodded opening the door. Emilia slipped into the room behind Sam staying against the wall as the two heroes approached the man. "Bucky?"

He kept his head down and eyes on the floor, refusing to look up at Steve. "I don't know who Bucky is," he muttered, his voice rough.

"You are. You're name is James Buchanan Barnes, you liked the name Bucky better though," Steve said, trying to stay calm as he explained the simple fact of his friend's name.

Emilia observed from the shadows as Steve continued explaining his past to Bucky. She noticed Bucky constantly shaking his head, refusing the ideas that Steve and Sam threw at him. She bit the inside of her cheek, restraining herself from saying anything she might regret.

"What's she doing here?" Bucky asked, grabbing the doctor's attention. His sudden question shocked the three into silence, staring at the man waiting for him to continue, he didn't.

"She's here to help," Steve said slowly.

"If you're not Connie, then who are you?" He sounded helpless when he talked, like a lost puppy living in a box on the side of the street during a rainstorm. It made Emilia's heart hurt.

"I'm Dr. Emilia Hate, I'm going to help you get your memories back."

"What if I don't want them back?" he kept his voice quiet only raising his eyes to watch her.

Emilia's eyebrows furrowed together, her forehead crinkled as she watched the man. She could feel Sam and Steve's eyes on her, waiting to see what she was going to do next. "Why?" was all that she could manage to ask.

"I don't want to remember."

"Not even the good stuff?" Stuff? Seriously Emilia? God, poor word choice.

"There was no good in my life," he said, the volume of his voice raising the more Emilia talked, she didn't stop though.

"Yes there was," she started, wanting to make him feel safe, longed to make him feel something other than hatred. "What about Steve, and Connie? What about before the war?"

"There was nothing before the war!"

"Emilia," Steve whispered, taking a step toward the two. Emilia's hands were behind her back, her fingers intertwined too scared to move.

"It's fine," she whispered back, not looking away from Bucky. "Please?" she asked again, her eyes growing wider as they filled with tears.

"Why are you crying?" he asked, his voice softening as his eyes met Emilia's.

"I'm not," she whispered lowering her chin, looking at the ground. "Just let me help you."

"I already have nightmares about my past, I have no desire to remember it in it's entirety." He let his hair fall over his face, using it to hide his fear. Emilia took a step forward, hoping this was her chance to have him understand the importance of his memories.

"Emilia."

"Steve," she responded with the same tone as him, glaring back at him. "James, do you understand what your memories could do for the world."

"Emilia," Steve repeated.

She only responded by holding her hand up to him, "We could stop HYDRA with your help." She knew she was walking on thin ice, but had to continue. She pursed her lips trying to sort out her thoughts as her mind thawed from the numbness it was stuck in when she first saw Bucky. She was not afraid of this man, any other time she would have been cowering in the corner, keeping her distance, but not tonight. He was vulnerable and she had to use this to her advantage, "James, what do you already remember?"

"I don't know, it's confusing."

"James," she was becoming greedy, she knew it but had to keep pushing, it is her job after all, that is what being a scientist is about, "you do know, tell us."

"All I know is that they used me to kill, that's it," he was getting worked up. His anger radiated off of him as if he had gone nuclear, it only made Emilia continue to push.

"Let us do this James, what do you have to lose?"

"Emilia," Steve barked grabbing her arm and pulling her back. "Stop it, we know we can't force him into this, take a step back."

Emilia stared at him, any emotion that had been in her body replaced by anger, she wiped at her cheeks, making sure she wasn't crying before she opened her mouth, "You wanted my help didn't you? I thought you needed me, am I wrong?"

"Emilia." Her name was like a bad taste she could not get rid of, her eyes shot over to Sam who was trying to lower the tension in the room.

"I need to leave," she stated looking back at Bucky one last time before exiting the barn.

She walked to the edge of the grass, staring out into the forest. She breathed deeply, steadying her heart rate not sure what came over her in the barn, she had never gotten angry like that before, she was scared. She thought maybe she was acting tough, trying to play it cool and hide her fear of losing her life with her questions; it was completely plausible. She ran a hand through her hair, loosening the styled curls. She pulled her phone out of her purse, calling her parents.

"Emilia, you have to stop with these early morning calls," her mother answered.

"It's almost six this time though, be thankful," she chuckled rolling her eyes. "I am going to have to cancel my birthday plans today, something came up at work," she explained, guilt dripping off her words.

"Work, work, work. That is all you have time for now, when was the last time we had a proper meal? Think about it, you don't even have kids to keep you busy."

"I know, and I am so sorry, but I should be available Sunday."

"Alright, Sunday. Don't cancel on us again," her mother demanded before hanging up the phone.
Emilia sighed pressing her phone against her forehead, biting her cheek. "You are a horrible daughter," she muttered to herself closing her eyes.

"Probably not," Sam said, approaching her cautiously, as if she were the nuke.

"Actually yes. I have cancelled the last four plans my parents had made for us. Let's just hope I don't forget Thanksgiving."

"I think you should come back inside," Sam suggested.

"Why?"

"You keep him calm, the minute you left he uh, he got a little angry at Steve and I," Sam explained looking back at the barn.

"Oh okay," Emilia nodded making her way back to the barn.

"Bucky?" she asked stepping past Steve, who was losing his patience, "can I call you that?" He only nodded, so she continued. "I don't want to force this on you, and I apologize for how I acted earlier." She was not sure how to continue, so they sat in silence each watching the other.

"What do I have to do?" Bucky mumbled.

"What?" Emilia asked unsure of what he said.

"I'll do it, what do I have to do."

Emilia's face broke out into a wide smile as she looked back at Steve and Sam who just nodded, "You'll have to come with me, or, I guess I could bring the stuff to you," she started thinking about the reactions of her coworkers if she brought the Winter Soldier to work with her. "We'll run a few test to make sure it won't hurt you, and then we'll uh, we'll just give the serum to you, I guess." She didn't know how to explain the process to him so she shrugged before turning around, looking at Steve, who also shrugged in response.

"Okay," Bucky said quietly, letting his chin drop to his chest, he clearly wasn't a fan of eye contact.