Familiarity

Chapter 19

"How are you liking Washington?" Emilia asked when they made it back to Eric's apartment.

"It's a lot better than HYDRA's headquarters," Eric laughed pointing to his kitchen table.

Emilia dropped his groceries on the table looking around his apartment, "Nice place."

"Thanks, SHIELD really has my back," he paused biting his lip. "I don't think I can ever thank you enough for giving me this opportunity."

"I'm glad you appreciate it, that'll make SHIELD trust you a hell of a lot more than they already do," she sighed sitting at his table.

"What's wrong?" Eric questioned sitting across from her.

Emilia rolled her eyes and looked over at him, "Nothing, can I not sigh in angst without it meaning anything?" He shook his head in response waiting for her to elaborate. "I don't want to go back to work. My two weeks of mental recovery will be over tomorrow and I'll be back at it again."

"What did you do for your mental recovery?"

"Uh, helped the guy who tortured me move into his apartment," she shrugged.

"You didn't talk to anyone?"

"I'm going to leave now," she said standing up and heading to the door. "I'll see you around Eric." Emilia did not let him say anything to her before she could shut his door and run out onto the street. She wiped a stray tear from her eye and walked down the street weaving between any pedestrians that got in her way.

When she passed her building she continued walking down the street until she arrived at Steve and Bucky's place. She buzzed up to their apartment and was relieved when she heard Bucky's voice answer her. She walked up the stairs slowly not sure what she was feeling.

Bucky opened the door smiling widely at Emilia, "Hey Em."

"Hi," she nodded walking into the living room sitting on the couch.

"Are you alright?" he asked slowly sitting beside her grabbing her hand with his left hand. The cool metal sent a chill through her body, but she liked it; it was something that made her feel grounded.

"Remember when you said I should talk to someone about everything and I said I would?" she questioned looking up at him hoping he would say something, unfortunately he kept his lips together. "Well, I didn't. And, now I'm feeling empty and afraid and vulnerable and I don't know what to do."

"Emilia," Bucky sighed pulling her into his chest, "that was stupid of you," he mumbled. "What you've been through is finally catching up with you. I'll call someone okay?"

"Yeah," she nodded slightly sliding down the couch to get out of Bucky's way when he stood up.

"Bucky?"

"Hm?" he responded grabbing his cell phone off of the kitchen counter.

"How do you deal with everything?"

He turned around to look at her. His lips formed a smile that looked genuinely happy, it surprised Emilia. "I think of you."

"Right," she said rolling her eyes. "Seriously, what can stop this panic and fear building up inside me? I don't like it."

"I am being serious," he chuckled sitting back down beside her. "I think of your soft hair and brown eyes. I think of your smile and how you always told me things were going to be okay even when you didn't know. Anything I could connect to you I did," he explained.

"Bucky," Emilia whispered unsure of what to say. "I, I'm sorry."

"Why?" he asked leaning closer to her.

"I didn't take your advise of getting help on my two weeks off of work and now I'm going through this shit."

"Emilia, you were ambushed, your father was shot, you were forced to go into hiding where you were kidnapped and tortured. It was going to happen. It's a serious thing that you'll be able to get help for."

"Okay," she smiled hugging him tightly. She breathed in the smell she once assumed was the smell of assassin and realized she actually felt safe for the first time since she returned to Washington. They stayed in their embrace for a while, barely moved until Steve and Sam barged into the apartment.

"Hey guys," Sam smirked heading for the kitchen to grab a drink.

"Emilia, why did you wait so long?" Steve asked referring to her PTSD.

"I thought I'd be able to handle, probably would be able to handle it too," she mumbled.

"But what if you can't," he responded.

"But what if I can't," Emilia agreed. Her eyes shifted to Sam who sat down across from her in the living space. She stared him down wondering what he was doing.

"I can't imagine what you're going through, but the weird part is you let your captor come to America where he is living a free life, let's start there," Sam said smiling lightly at Emilia.

"Uh start where?" she asked.

"With your friend, do you feel responsible for his life?"

"What? No, what?" Emilia stumbled, confusion clouding her head. "I'm sorry," Emilia sighed standing up, "I must be PMSing or something I feel totally fine now and I think I'm gonna go," she said letting her words trail off as she headed for the door.

"Seriously Emilia?" Steve called out as she exited the apartment.

She made it out of his apartment but barely made it to the building's door before Bucky was running after her. "Em!" he called out trying to get her to stop. He grabbed her arm only to have her twist it out of his grip.

"I'm fine," she mumbled running a hand through her curls breathing out heavily.

"Take it from me, you're not fine," he said trying to make contact with her again.

Upon his touch Emilia turned around to look at him, her eyes burning bright with fear, something that could be confused with hatred. "Stop! Just leave me alone," she demanded trying to walk away.

"Emilia you need help."

"Bullshit! I don't need help I just need to think," she hollered her voice quivering as she spoke.

"Well that's not what you were saying an hour ago."

Emilia looked up at his eyes, biting the inside of her cheeks to prevent her from saying anything she'd regret. Turning roughly, she ran through the door and down the street trying to distance herself from him.

**

Emilia threw back her third shot of vodka groaning as she slammed her head against the kitchen table. "Stupid, I'm so stupid."

"Well you got that right."

Emilia jumped up quickly at the sound of somebody else's voice and dropped her bottle of vodka, the glass skating across her floor. "How the hell did you get in here?"

"How much have you had to drink Emilia?" Madi sighed walking toward a closet to get the broom. "I don't know if you forgot or not, but your boyfriend ripped the lock off of your door."

"Right, right," she nodded stepping over glass shards to get the broom. "Thanks," she smiled at her friend as she handed her the broom.

"How are you doing?"

"If one more person asks me how I'm doing, I'm going to start cutting throats."

"Sorry I asked," Madi said looking around the apartment that SHEILD had fixed up while Emilia was in Compiègne. "Are you going to be able to go to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Emilia stated focusing on sweeping.

"Okay, I just think I should give you the heads up," Madi started getting Emilia's attention. "Riz scheduled a press conference not knowing when you were going to be back from your 'recovery trip' and now people may be blaming you for Katie Bug's death."

What? I didn't kill her, I'm no murderer that was disease. Emilia's head started to spin as she reacted to what Madi had told her.

"Breathe Em, deep breaths, don't pass out," Madi repeated quickly, helping her to the ground as she went unconscious.