The Glitch
⌁
Today is one of those days, it's cloudy, I feel like shit more than usual and singing won't fix it. Even though I'm an electrical powerhouse, it seems like my happiness runs on batteries. Eventually they die and I have to get new ones. Right now, I'm mentally restraining myself from feeling these thoughts and memories that come with having dead batteries. I've been doing so well, why am I wimping out now? Maybe sometime alone will help.
I walk into Pietro's room to let him know and not worry about me. I knock on his door frame in my navy NYU sweatshirt.
"Hi." Pietro stops reading the Harry Potter book I loaned him and greets me.
"Hey, I'm going to go for a walk."
"Want me to come?"
"I think I can walk alone, thanks though."
"Then what was the point of telling me?"
"I just... I'm not in my best mood. I'm thinking maybe sometime alone could fix it."
"Are you sure? Alone? I could-"
"Nah, it's okay. I'll be back."
"Be careful."
⌁
I walk through the park on this grey day full of chills and fast winds. The cold air cutting my face hurts and this sweatshirt doesn't keep me warm at all. Above my head, in another world, lightning cracks, thunder calls, and rain cries.
I just needed to get away. I needed time alone, To be myself, To let it out. I shouldn't, I could hurt someone if I don't stay calm. I start to walk faster shoving my hands in my pockets as I'm left alone with my horrid thoughts. That day is glitching in my head playing over and over and over. I pick up the pace as I relive the moment.
My screams, his touch, that keyboard.
I start to run, no longer on the sidewalk I run through the trees of the park. Tears try to climb back where they belong but fall and are forgotten. Too concentrated on forgetting, I trip over a dip in the ground and my own thoughts bring me to my knees. The cloud's tears mix with my own on the sand colored concrete as whimpers turn to sobs, and drizzles turn to pouring rain. I tremble at my palms and knees while they cry at the everlasting sting from the impact.
Im losing it.
The image I see starts to blur and paint itself into something else. I see it, that same goddamn... horror, playing over and over liked a vinyl under the hands of a DJ. The blood dripping from between my legs when I was too young to even have a period. And the DJ scratched the record again, starting it over.
The blood dripping from between- It scratches again.
The blood-
Again.
Dripping-
Again.
Electricity slowly crawls up my sleeves as I try and power down, but I can't.
No matter how many times he scratches, the vinyl stays smooth. Unscratched. Sometimes I wish I could just smash it against my knee, break it to pieces but its impalpable to me. I could never... can never get over it and never forget. Then the mix of natures brute force and my mental weakness clash horribly and everything gets worse. My powers try and take control by reaching out to the wet ground below me. The thunder clogs my mind with too many sounds, so I cover my ears. The lighting is too bright for my eyes now so I cover my eyes. The rain is cold, so cold today. I wrap myself in my own arms to try and warm myself, but it doesn't work. I don't have enough hands to save myself, to stay calm, so another pair grasps my shoulders and pulls me in tight. My haze drops completely, the sparks retreat.
"Tiana it's alright, I got you."
⌁
We lay together on his bed in our wet clothes and our shoes are still on. I know, an abomination. These scratches are healing under damp, weak band-aids. They are annoyingly, uncomfortable while stealing the right for my knees to bend. My regular bootcut jeans are now ripped and reckless, the perfect accident, but my mind still races. My eyes dart from side to side as I try to relax in his arms. He squeezes enough to make me feel secure but it's not working, and he knows. He can feel it on his skin, my static is lifting his hair to stand up straight. I stare at the lamp on his bedside table, not with delight but with annoyance. Then I look at Pietro for approval, and he gleams at me. I nuzzle my head into his chest and lift my hand slightly, open my palm, and twist my wrist inward. Almost like unscrewing a lightbulb, I turn off the lights.
In the dark, I hear the muffled storm clouds outside clashing with one another. One I should have stayed away from. So many people could have been hurt if I lost it, but I went through that park because rain is relaxing, and I love it. Sadly, I don't think I've ever been able to sit in the rain and just enjoy it, I have to many things that coarse through my mind.
When one cloud strikes, hard, I jump. I sense tears crawling down my cheeks from the sudden noise. I feel so weak, crying over such a little thing. Pietro pulls me Into him, tighter, and wipes my tears with his sleeve. He smoothly spreads his hand across my back for support. The constant friction brings instant comfort, but Pietro's breathing alone can slow down my heart rate.
I kiss the back of his hand and pull it close to my chest. Pietro squeezes my hand in his then shifts our bodies to the side, wrapping his entire arm around me. With my eyes closed and hood over my head I smile as he lightly kisses my cheek in the dark.
We sleep in silence.
