Mud | Obikin

9.

"Your centre must be inside you. You can't rely on people for this. They aren't permanent."

It's not clear if I'm speaking to him or to myself.

"What is?" Asks Anakin. "If war has taught us anything, is that nothing lasts. Listen, I don't know if I am going to see the end of it, and I don't want to waste more time. Despite your efforts, I'm not even close to the Jedi you are. I yearned to be like you for years. Then, I gave up; I was aiming too high.
To me, breaking rules has always been about risking my place inside the Order, or by you. On the opposite, you follow the Code to remain faithful to who you are, you fight for it every day. You're here to remind us the true meaning of all this, beyond the Order, the Council and all that crap."

I cross my arms and lean against the kitchen counter. Anything I could say would be read as modesty, so I just say that this is the most touching speech to get someone to bed I've ever heard.

He takes a cushion from the couch and throws it to me. "They say I am heartless!"

"I'm far from the man you described," I tell him. "What is true is that I want to be a Jedi and that this requires some fighting. Sometimes I win and sometimes I lose, just like everybody else. To be honest, I'm not doing much good these days."

He stands up, excited. "This is exactly what I'm trying to tell you! You're only responsible for the little good in me, my flaws aren't your fault. Take a step back and try to see it from there. The ways of the Force and the Code don't necessarily coincide; you can respect the former even if you walk away from the latter."

"This is a convenient way to justify your actions."

He makes an impatient gesture. "How could the Force blame what's between us? It put us together, it's responsible for our Bond. It didn't give us attachment, love and desire to prove us, but as a gift we would be ungrateful to refuse. I don't know how to tell you any more. There's no time left, this could be the only chance we have to take what we've been given."

"Lecturing me about the Force. This is a first."

He's so close, stares at my mouth as I talk. "Master, I'll lose my mind if you don't kiss me."

I smile, what else can I do?

My hand ruffles his hair; old, familiar touch, brand new feeling.
I can't remember why I'm resisting him so much so I clasp his locks, tilt his head and kiss him.

The ancient gap in my chest fills with warmth.

Slow, now. Seize the moment.

Anakin hugs me, trying to feel as much of my body as he can. I push him and he smiles when the back of his head hits the wall.

I explore the shapes of his mouth, licking, tugging. When his hand tries to reach for my belt, I hold it near his head to keep kissing him. I only break contact to take off our tunics.

His gaze follows his hands from my face to my stomach, and lower. His heavy breath makes me shiver with anticipation.

I've let my guard down, and he takes advantage of it. He advances toward my room, forcing me to walk back, making me stumble on the bed. Skin touches skin when he lays on me, and I wonder if I will be able to bear all this.
My ears buzz with the pounding of my blood.

Anakin presses me to the mattress, biting my neck, moving his body against mine in a way that makes my head spin.

He's used to conducting this, but I'm not going to let him.
I grab his shoulders to tilt our positions so that I sit on him and enjoy what I see; red cheeks, bright eyes, wide dark pupils.
My fingertips follow the contour of his clavicles to the hollow between them; then, his sternum to the edge of the ribs. From there, I draw over the paths of his scars and muscles, amazed at how hairless he is - there's only a thin blond line that goes all the way down from his navel.