Mud | Obikin

15.

I rest my forehead on Anakin's shoulder as the tide of the Force withdraws.
In the release that follows, his Signature unfolds like a blooming venomous flower. Its scent draws me in; dreadful, though morbidly captivating.
My fascination scares me more than Darkness itself.

I walk back a few steps and buckle my belt, sickened by what I've done, by what I'm sensing.

"How strange," says Anakin, facing the wall as he redresses. "You want something so much and for so long but, when you finally obtain it, is not what you were expecting."

He turns to lean against the wall; his expression is in a precarious balance between caring and challenging. "Don't be so fearful. We were just dipping our toes."

"I'm not scared," I lie. "I'm sorry."

If we don't find a way to wash away the violent intensity of what has happened, it will wreak us.

"For me? You'd never do anything you aren't sure I want." His amused smirk quickly emerges; his tone is covertly bantering. "And you know I wouldn't let anyone do to me what you did."

"Of course I'm not talking of this," I say with impatience, forcing myself to hold his gaze. "This is not dipping your toes, it's kriffing bathing in it – and you like it!"

"I got the impression you enjoyed it too."

A glass from the table beside me smashes on the floor; the only thing I can do to avoid punching him.

"You'll wake Ahsoka," he says in a stage whisper, clearly amazed by my lack of self-control.

"I want you to leave, now," I murmur before realising what I'm saying.

His eyes close for a moment, the way they would have if I had hit him.

"You knew this would have happened. There are two sides of it; we can't go so far beyond without stirring them both." He cracks a dejected smile, and I see 'little Ani' waiting to be scolded. "... Is what you saw this bad?"

I just keep my eyes on his, as he already knows the answer.
Trying to match what I've seen of him in the Force with his boyish features, I find out I can't.

"These things go both ways," Anakin sneers, quickly switching from hurt to angry. "I've felt you as you've felt me – the only difference is that, as usual, you loathe me while I'm fond of what I've seen; my Master is human, after all, and craves for possession, as anyone else does. I certainly prefer him this way."

His lips upturn into a cruel grin. "You could've just asked me to leave Padme if it stings this much. I was waiting for you to do it."

My fists clench. "Only you can talk of this Bantha poodoo now. Can't you see that all that matters is that you're sinking? You walked in it too far."

And you're dragging me down with you.

He shows his empty palms to me. "This is just the way I am. Save me, if you believe you can do it. Do you love me enough to get your karking shiny boots dirty?"

Then, when I do not respond, his voice uneven, "Do I repel you?"

Anakin treads closer, towering over me. I tell him not to touch me.

"This much?" He attempts to sound sarcastic. "You said Light could win anything."

He wants to hear that we're going to be okay, that I'll fix everything, and I don't know if I can.

"You have to save yourself; this is the only way." My voice gets weaker after every word. "If that is even what you want."

It is his turn to remain silent.

"You're right, I am enjoying it," I eventually concede. "This is exactly what troubles me."

What troubles me is that when he's not with me I suffocate, that what I feel when he touches me is enough to break the whole Code at once.
The way I've let Darkness subdue me is revolting, yet I'm afraid I might easily let it happen again.

"I told you," he mutters. "Blame me for all your despicable, terrible actions. It couldn't be easier."

"You know I consider myself responsible for both of ours."

A thump from Anakin's old room makes us snap our heads toward the door. We share a look with wide eyes.
I rapidly scan him and the room, finding too many out of place details.
Anakin puts a hand over his mouth to hush an improper laugh.

"Your expression is priceless," he whispers when the handle turns.

Ahsoka appears in the doorway, stroking her lekku, muddled.

"I had a bad dream..." Her eyes stop being sleepy the moment she focuses on us. She peers up at me and groans. "... I fell asleep on you, didn't I? I'm so sorry!"

"Don't be," I reply, realising that, of all that has happened tonight, what I prefer to remember is the innocent comfort of her head on my legs.

Her thoughts are already leading her to the following deduction.

"How did I get from the couch to that bed?" She ponders aloud, panic in her tone.

Anakin sneers at her vexation, "I carried you,"

I've rarely seen someone getting so quickly this crimson and ruffled. "I'm not a youngling!"

"This is why I promise it was the last time." He's trying to soothe her though his evident mirth is only going to escalate her irritation.

Ahsoka whines, resigned, "In the presence of Master Kenobi - because napping over him wasn't enough..."

"Obi-Wan doesn't mind," says Anakin, his allusive eyes on me. "He wouldn't have allowed you, otherwise."

She lets him put an arm around her shoulders, and he gently nudges her away.
They're halfway to the door, and I'm breathing again, when she spins on her heels.
Ahsoka's gaze moves thoughtfully from my face up to his, and then all around, lingering on the shattered glass at my feet.

"What was your nightmare about?" I ask to deflect her attention, despite suspecting the answer will not please me.

"Choking..." she mumbles absentmindedly. "Drowning in a field of mud,"

Her mind puts the pieces together until she fixes her eyes on mine again, knowing I can't lie to her. "What's with the glass?"

"Your Master is a bit drunk, Snips," Anakin interrupts when I was sure he was going to enjoy watching me flounder for an excuse. "Obi-Wan can't handle me like this; we should get back to our quarters."

"You could just say it's not my business," she mutters, walking herself to the door. "You two always treat me like I'm dumb."

Editing: CoreWorlds