Broken Stars

Chapter 4

AN: Hello! Thank you all SO much for all the feedback. So it's my English exam tomorrow lmao -kill me- and here I am updating this, be proud. Anyway none of you care about that haha. I just had to say that several parts of this chapter could be quite triggering but I'm hoping that after reading Chapter 3 you'll be able to stomach this one. There is implied self-harm though so you have been warned. Sorry for any mistakes! Love you all!!!<3 xxxxxxxxxxxx

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Clarke awoke, pain evident in every part of her body. She wanted to cry but found that she had no tears left to give and instead she closed her eyes hoping that the darkness would claim her, take her away from this cold metal tab- she wasn't on the table anymore. She wasn't on the table anymore.

Clarke wanted to jump up, to find out where she was now but all her battered and bloodied body would allow her to do was slowly edge up onto her elbows. God, she felt so weak. Her gaze slowly trailed around the room she was now in, there was little to no light but she could make enough out to know where she was, she was back in her quarantine room.

She bit her lip as she now sheepishly looked to her body, almost terrified to see what damage they had done to her. Hidden tears sprung to her eyes as she ran her hand over a jagged scar that was forming on her abdomen where they had carved the word  'monster'  into her.  This was also when she realised she was back in those white clothes and thinking of how she got into them made her sick to her stomach.

Although, she partially felt like a monster she couldn't believe that anyone deserved this. She wanted it to end, the only thing she had to live for was her friends, her family. They probably despised her now though after breaking each and every one of them. Worst of all, she broke Bellamy. Bellamy. Her heart ached as she let out a choked sob, she had left him saying "May We Meet Again" and the intense reality that she probably would never meet him again, never argue with him again and never hear him say 'Princess' again had hit her and destroyed her. The blood, the bruises, the pain had all been horrible but this killed her inside to the point where she no longer cared what happened to her body. Clarke was numb.

She let her head loll to the side as the only thing she allowed her body to do was breathe but even that was an effort. It occurred to her that only a few months ago she had smashed that very window, tore open her own arm in the process and forced Maya to tell her where her friends were. Her friends. It had all been for them, she wondered now, if she had been alone the first time if she would've bothered trying to escape. Of course she would have, because even if she had been alone, she wouldn't have stopped until she found her friends alive or dead but now she had no one to be the hero for, no one to live for. Bellamy. Lexa.

Her face scrunched up slightly into a pained frown at the thought of both of them, two loves that she had abandoned. She didn't deserve either of them but in this dark and numb state she couldn't help but long for them. To be within Lexa's strong presence but look into those pleasing, lost, and loving eyes. To run into Bellamy's arms and have him hold her so she could breathe properly again.

It wouldn't happen. Bellamy probably couldn't care less about her after she abandoned him and after Lexa went through all that trouble the first time just to find her and protect her- shit. That was when Clarke realised. Lexa said her Mother was coming to get her, Bellamy would have been there too which meant that they would both be looking for her. Bellamy and Lexa could be on their way to the mountain right now. No. She couldn't allow this to happen.

Now, she had a reason to live. Even if it was solely to make sure Bellamy and Lexa did not get hurt within this damned mountain. She would have to be careful and extremely strategic and she would probably die in the process but she didn't care. As long as Bellamy, Lexa and everyone else she loved for that matter, was safe she could die without a care in the world.