exploring sexuality | camren

chapter 9

After that very night with the kiss in Camila's bunk, things seemed to finally get amended between them.

Lauren stopped going out to parties with all the fake friends she had met in the states and would instead stay in every night just spending time with the other girls and keeping to herself. Although they would be in the same room, she didn't talk to the smaller girl. Simply because it just felt different in front of everyone else.

But every day, at midnight, when she could hear the faint sound of her band mates soft snoring and breathing, Lauren would take that as a cue and sneak into Camila's bunk to lay down with her.

Camila would always be awake and waiting for her with a smile on her face by the time she opened the curtain.

This had become their new routine for weeks.

They had surprisingly grown closer. All those late nights when all they had to spare was time, they would have deep talks on all those years they missed from each other. They would rarely get sleep, and although it was bad for them, they both felt the happiest staying up with each other's company.

Sometimes Lauren would fall asleep in Camila's bunk, but she would always be gone by the time Camila tried to catch her in the morning. Camila always tried waking up earlier to catch her in the act, but she was always too late.

They hadn't kissed again since the first night, although Camila wished for the green eyed girl to kiss her again. But at the same time, she didn't want to try to do anything to jeopardize what they were having right now, even though it was just a friendship.

Camila watched as Lauren yawned mid sentence as she fixated herself beneath the covers. It was now 3:27 in the morning and the bus was dead silent, the only sounds overheard were their whispering.

"That was pretty much all I wanted to be," Lauren explained with her sleepy eyes. "Successful. I never really thought about happiness, or what would make me wake up in the mornings and think that it was exactly what I dreamed for."

"What about now?" Camila asked leaning against her own elbow as she gave the green eyed girl her full attention. "Are you happy about your career as a singer or just see it as something you have to do?"

"Honestly?" Lauren said with a smile. "I'm so happy. Being able to sing and influence others, I'm living a dream. I never thought I'd be where I am now. Traveling the world, hearing us the radio. It's unbelievable... And with the fame, I just want to do something good for the world."

"I know you will," Camila said with extremely certainty, earning a smile from Lauren.

"What about you?" Lauren asked as she relaxed her head on the pillow they shared. The two girls had begun a conversation about their dreams growing up. "Are you happy to be where you are now?"

Camila nodded looking into the green eyes. The key word she mentioned: now. As she laid besides the incredibly talented girl who made her heart jump, she realized wouldn't trade anything to be anywhere else.

"I'm the happiest," Camila answered truthfully. She cleared her throat as to give Lauren a signal of what she was about to say went with meaning. "But sometimes, I wish I had someone to share it with."

Lauren smiled softly unaware that by that, she meant her.

"I totally feel you. Although my mom visits often, I took it for granted when I could see my family every day. Or have my dad drive me to school, kiss my mom goodbye. See my grandma again. Watch my siblings grow up. See Taylor go to prom. It's the little things that I miss mostly," she said sadly.

Camila smiled feeling a pang of sorrow  thinking about her little sister and her parents.

"I feel the same way with Sofi... She was my best friend. I remember every morning when she could wake up before me and she'd barge into my room asking me to play with her or watch a movie." Camila felt a quick tear  run down her cheek before she quickly wiped it off. "I wonder how long it took her to realize I wouldn't be there to play anymore."