Til Kingdom Come [Harry Styles- Bk 4]

ch.17 Memory of mine

"Nonna, you'll get better" I smiled weakly.

Nonna's lips quivered. 

"You're gonna be ok, Nonna" I whispered as my voice cracked. I was lying and we both knew it. But we kept quiet.

Then we let our tears speak for us. 

"Stupid, stupid youth" she shook her head. 

I rubbed her soft back. Nonna dabbed her eyes with her scarf.

"It's ok, Nonna, we all make mistakes" I reminded her softly. Plus, it wasn't completely her fault. Back in the 60s, nearly everyone smoked. It was a cultural norm. And even at that, there is no exact cause of her disorder. Different hallucinogenic drugs add to the chances but they aren't the only causes.

Maybe God didn't want Nonna to tell the future any more because it spoiled the plan He had so carefully created...

Nonna held my face in her shaking hands. I kissed her palm.

"Don't ever let your children dream of taking drugs" she warned me.

I nodded obediently.

"Ever" 

She pulled me into a tight hug again.

"Angie, I can give you a ride home" Danny spoke up gently.

I nodded. Nonna loosened her grip around my waist. She kissed my hand and my belly before letting go completely.

"No matter what this tells me to say" she motioned at her head of grey-brown hairs. "Your life bears the memory of mine" she told me, almost as a good-bye.

***

Danny gave me a ride home so I was there before the kids' bus got there. Our street came into view and I took a deep breath. I just wanted Nonna to be ok. I wanted Harry home. And I wanted this baby to come into the world.

I patted my eyes, carefully trying to dry my tears. What did she mean by 'bearing the memory of mine?' If she thinks that I will forget her, then she is sadly mistaken.

Danny reached over and pulled me into a seemingly soft hug except his chest was dense as metal and I couldn't get comfortable.

"Take care of Nonna" I reminded him. 

"Take care of the baby" he told me. 

I got out the car and stood by the bus stop. I sat down on the bench as my legs had grown oddly tired. Having been pregnant with twins, having one child seemed a thousand times easier but it's been five years since my last pregnancy and with all the issues I've had to deal with while holding this last baby, everything feels that much harder and more painful.

I kissed my belly, hoping the baby was calmer than I was because I was screaming in my head. I looked up at the sky and closed my eyes, praying that He would give me a healthy baby and Harry would be there to hold her as soon as she left my womb, just the way he did with all our children.

This baby...this baby girl. I sighed. We haven't even thought of a name yet. 

Maybe something Italian? Maybe Carmella, my mother's middle name. No. Kids might tease her and call her carmel, like the candy. 

How about Anne, after Harry's mom? No. That's Darcy's middle name.

How about Angela? After me and my mom? No. That would be confusing. 

I sighed loudly. Harry will have a name for her. He named Darcy and I named the boys but I had a feeling he would want to name his last daughter...