Til Kingdom Come [Harry Styles- Bk 4]

ch.58 He's good for you

"Gemma," I whispered.

She turned around just enough to meet my gaze. Her lips parted to speak, but she decided against it. There was no meaningful greeting she could possibly give me, anyway.

I sat down next to her and stared into the distance. She seemed fixated on something in front of her, too.

"An apology probably won't make a difference, but it's a start," she mumbled, grazing her fingers over some grass.

I clenched my fists, gripping a few blades of grass myself.

"I guess so," I hissed.

Gemma looked up at me, then back at the grass.

"I don't know what I'm doing. I just know that I'm doing it."

I glanced at Gemma's hands. They were shaking very carefully.

"That's a stupid apology," I told her bluntly. She smiled.

"I'm an idiot. I know I am, I just don't care for some reason," she admitted.

I bit down on my tongue. I wanted to cuss her out and hit her even, but I also wanted to hear what she had to say. So far, she was being as specific and meaningful as a rock. I picked up a rock next to me and smoothed my fingers over it.

"Angie, do you ever do something because you honestly don't care anymore?" she asked, whispering so carefully that I almost held my breath in order to hear her. 

"But why don't you care?" I raised a brow. Gemma had everything going for her: a great husband, loving kids, a career. What was missing?

Gemma laughed.

"I have everything, that's why I'm bored. I'm so fucking bored. And I don't deserve them," she sighed, looking down at her ring finger. "I don't deserve Danny or Marco or Sephora," her voice trailed.

I wanted to say that based off her actions, she didn't deserve them either, but if I said that, she'd only lose her way that much more.

"You do deserve them. They're your family. You just have to appreciate them," I reasoned, biting my tongue all the while.

Gemma traced a dead butterfly's wing in the grass.

"But I don't," Gemma shook her head, smiling slightly. "I don't deserve anything."

I stared at her, confused.

"I didn't deserve to have a man like Danny love me for as long as he has. I didn't deserve his name or his ring. I didn't deserve his children."

I shook my head. "I don't understand, Gemma," I admitted quietly. 

"Vince is so ugly," she laughed.

I stared at her, even more confused.

"But I have been sleeping with him on and off since I was 17."

My hands trembled. I wanted throw a nice sucker punch right at Gemma's nose. How could she have had cheated on Danny all these years!? And with Vince? VINCE!?

"What the fuck, Gemma," I whispered. I didn't even have the energy to yell. Gemma didn't deserve my sympathy. She really didn't.

Gemma's hands shook even more.

"Do you remember when Danny and I first started dating?" she gasped, as though out of breath.

I nodded curtly.

"Do you remember how he used to draw pictures for me and hold my hand and smile every time he saw me? Do you remember how sweet he was and how he always held the door for me?" her voice cracked.