This Crazy Feeling

ThisCrazyFeeling.Part4

Latoya and Cheng both excuse themselves from the table and head upstairs to Andres’ room. I sit there thinking that it’s all my fault. How could I have been so stupid though? Why didn’t it ever cross my mind that Andres was adopted? Why did I think Latoya was Fillipino when its clear she’s not the slightest bit of Asian. I’m looking at the food on this table and, suddenly I’m not that hungry anymore. I finish what’s on my plate as much as I can, throw the left over rice away, and clean my own dish.

I head up to my room after cleaning up after myself. I’m too exhausted to stay up like how I usually do. I make my way up the stairs and on my way I pass Andres’ room. I slow down my walking to listen to him talk quake-like. “I didn’t mean to be rude, it’s just I miss home. I don’t miss my parents, I just miss h-h-home.” Andres sounds like me right now, I really miss home. I walk away from his door, knowing I’ll never be able to sleep if I kept eavesdropping.

*Baby I from Ariana Grande is playing*

I opened up my eyes and heard the alarm on my phone go off. It’s time to go school shopping. I lay on my side and reach over to my phone to turn off my alarm, I also see text messages from Jay. I want to read them so bad but, if I read the messages I’ll be glued to my phone for who knows how long to finish the conversation. I needed to get ready, I don’t have time to play his game right now. Lets see, how am I feeling today? I’m just so tired, I hardly got any sleep from all the thoughts running through my head. It was totally all my fault Andres got upset last night at dinner. I wish I would’ve just kept my questions in my head, and my mouth shut. Looking in my suitcase I see a pair of sweatpants, my vans, and a loose t-shirt. I felt too gloomy, I might as well dress like it. I walked into the glamourous bathroom of mine I had for the year, and decided to keep makeup at it’s minimum. Just a light brown eyeshadow to blend in with my skin tone, a little mascara, and eyeliner so thin it hardly made a difference. I wondered if I should put my hair in a bun and complete the lazy look, or just leave it down. I decided to just leave it down, and walk out my bedroom checking my twitter feed on my phone.

There’s a lot going on in my twitter newsfeed and so many interactions and mentions for me since the last time I checked it. My bestfriend, Rosalie, blew up my mentions asking how things were going and asking why I wasn’t texting her. I forgot all about my phone and my social networks when I got here, I didn’t even think about texting any of my friends. It looks like there wasn’t a need to, seems like all their tweets were about all the fun they were gonna have in this year’s show choir. I miss them so much, there’s no other show choir that’ll feel like I’ll belong if it’s not with them. Sometimes I second think if I’m doing the right thing chasing for my own dreams, instead of sharing a great time with the people I love. I hope they won’t forget I’m even apart of the family, esspecially the ones that are in my group. We dance downtown every friday with some new material, hope they’re doing okay. We’re really talented, always bringing home a few bucks for food.

Mmmm, I smell a hot breakfast. The table had a plate for me with eggs and sausages on it, with a little rice on the side. It was just Latoya and Andres at the table, I guess Cheng went to work. It felt awkward because no one was talking, so I just sat there and ate my breakfast. “Do you guys know what you need for school this year?”, Latoya asks us. Andres looks at me and tells me that we’ll only need some notebooks, a binder or two, lots of paper and stuff for organizing. I figured it wouldn’t be that much, I could use some of the money my mom gave me.

I didn’t want to speak, I didn’t even want to think. Everything felt extremely dark, as if God had casted a big grey cloud over my world of high heels and glitter. The way Andres used to stare at me and now he isn’t even glancing over at me. Like how he did when he was playing basketball with the twins and Kyle yesterday. Resting my head on the window and looking outside made me calm, something about Washington’s air kept things tranquilled for me. I suddenly didn’t want to even have the small amount of make up on my face anymore. It bothered me, I never felt like this before. Makeup always comforted me and assured me I looked decent enough to be around society.