This Crazy Feeling

ThisCrazyFeeling.Part9

August 8 2013

Dear Journal,

Once again, I fell for Jay's lustful heart. I can't believe I did that AGAIN! I'm so done, with Jay and with myself too. He ruined my makeup, my expensive makeup. My special Lancôme mascara dripped down my Dior foundation! That is a NO-NO! Ugh, whatever. Although Jay completely played me I learned my lesson, the same old lesson I've been taking since I met this boy. Hopefully I've finally passed this class cause I'm getting so tired of him and his games. I learned that I deserve someone that could make me happy. Someone that won't think twice into whether or not they really wanna be with me. Someone like Andres. He's perfect. Tonight at the "dinner" I came to discover that Cheng is an author of a book called Mogjeogi. The "dinner" was actually a fricken premiere party for his new book. (Now I see how he has such a beautiful house and car). At the dinner everybody received a free copy of his book, which I have sitting right next to my tea on the bedside table. I can't wait to read it! Cheng gave a small little speech about what inspired him to write the book and honestly I could see the pain in his eyes while he was underneath that spotlight on stage. Not only did I see pain, I could feel pain in the atmosphere as dancers came out from the audience and performed a dance filled with emotions indescribable. It was amazing. THIS is amazing. My journey has only lasted two weeks and I've already been through a roller coaster ride. First my Jay mistake, then Andres, and then finding out Cheng is an author. Like Charles Dickens I guess: "It was the worst of times, it was the best of times..."

-Naomi Alvarez

Andres and I have been texting each other from across the hall all morning.

From: Andres

Goodmorning beautiful!

To: Andres

Goodmorning!(:

From: Andres

Are you ready for school on Monday?

To: Andres

Nope!

From: Andres

Haha, me neither ._. . Hey we should do something today..?

To: Andres

Yeah! What do you suggest?

From: Andres

Hmmm, I'm not sure. We'll figure something out!

Right while I'm replying to his text I hear a familiar knock I recognized as Andres. I told him to come in and while he opened the door slightly I could smell sweet oatmeal with honey layered over the grains. Mmmm, I love oatmeal. He walked in with two bowls of oatmeal, one for him and one for me. He plopped himself onto my bed and adjusted our pillows so we could comfortably sit up. Having our breakfast together in bed, I was debating whether or not I should Instagram this. I chose not to, we weren't dating yet and in the first world gramming a cute picture in bed with a boy would set off comments and likes like some sort of Internet bomb.

"So, did you figure out what we could do today?", I said with a mouthful of oatmeal in my mouth. "I was thinking we could maybe go to the mall, I could do a little shopping.", Andres said after swallowing a big oatmeal lump down his throat. "Sounds like a fun day to me!" "Sounds like a fun DATE to me". He's so adorable, that was silly-cute.

Latoya drops us off at the mall an hour later. Andres says that he needed some socks so we go to Finish Line and ring up a few Nike socks. He has true sock game, you can tell he's got the swag. After that we kinda just stroll around a little and have small connecting conversations from what influences our style in clothing to what kinda tattoos we wanted some day. Surprisingly we both want tattoos of something meaningful. Usually these days everybody's getting tattoos of things so basic, and things that just don't have any meaning at all. Like my friend Amanda, she got a duck tattooed on her ass from getting wasted one night. How pathetic is that?

As Andres and I are walking something catches me off guard at the corner of my eye. It was sparkling, dazzling, glittering and shimmering in ways so seductive. I pulled Andres along with me as I journeyed towards it. Royally placed on a tilted podium behind the glass of the store, laid the most beautiful necklace I have ever laid my eyes on. It had crystals dangling off crystals, and golden diamond dust dusted all over them. "Naomi..", my gaze broke off to Andres' voice. I look at him quickly and glued my eyes back onto the necklace answering, "I'm sorry, I've just never seen something so completely hypnotizing." Andres grabbed me by the waist, "I have, and she's mine." I could feel a warmth rushing throughout my body and even to the tips of my fingers. Slowly releasing my sight from the necklace I dragged him along back to the crowds walking throughout the mall. Holding hands, intertwining our fingers. I see how perfectly our hands fit for each other. I can also feel his hand tense up every time he turns around to look back at the necklace I was drooling over.

I'm his? Are we claiming each other as of today? Well, he didn't make anything official so I have no idea what he's talking about. I really like this feeling of being his though...UGH! What am I doing? I'll just ask him, yeah, I'll just ask him.

"Andres? Uhm, when you said I was yours...what did that necessarily mean?" Andres pulled me to the side, away from the people all cluttered up in the main walkway of the mall. "You're mine. As in, I'm yours.", he said it so simply. "So like...Are we...", pausing on purpose so he could finish the sentence for me. "Together?", he asked. "Yes..." Andres started to chew on his bottom lip, and stare into my eyes. He tugged me a little closer, and looked down at me. Something seemed to magically sweep my heels off the floor because I'm suddenly on the tip of my toes and Andres is kissing me.

His lips and my lips lock like we threw away the key. The noisy shopping teenagers suddenly faded away. The blender running at Smoothie So Sweet isn't making a murderous sound anymore. The music playing from RadioShack is off. Then I can feel everything around is spinning so fast, and I squeeze my arms tighter around his neck so I don't fall from the motion sickness. Like everything and everyone just disappeared along with all my fears, pain, tears, regret, and doubt. Our lips softly let each other go; and the kids are loud again, the blender is racking, RadioShack is shaking, and nothing In the world is spinning but Earth on its axis. Ive never felt like that in my life. Not with anyone, ever. The feeling gives you a crazy sensation, this crazy feeling of feeling illusions. I didn't know what to take that kiss as. I just know that I'm his and he's mine.