This Crazy Feeling

ThisCrazyFeeling.Part3

Gazing myself at the mirror I suddenly knew why Andres was staring at me so hard, my makeup was all smudged from rubbing my eyes on the plane! I went out to my suitcase and grabbed my hair care products, my beauty products, and my make-up. I put my shampoos and conditioners in the tub, my hair styling stuff by the sink along with all my beauty products and my big bag of make-up. It didn’t really occur to me of how much of a girl I was till I was standing in front of that big mirror in the bathroom with lights on top, as if I was a star backstage getting ready for her performance. I take off my clothes and get into the shower with the water burning my skin, and I love it. As I’m washing my hair out I start to remember of when I wasn’t so much of a girl. It was before middle school, before I got into my clique of dancers. I used to wear my hair in braids, and put my small self in t-shirts 3x bigger than me. I had no idea how to take care of my curls, so they were always braided or just up in a bun; and I absolutely hated tight clothing, why wear things I couldn’t breathe in? Well it’s sophomore year and I’m 15 now, the answer is…It makes me look good.

I get out of the tub and step out of the steamy bathroom to figure out what to wear. The towel’s still wrapped around my body, but I run to my bedroom door and lock it just in case. I look through my suitcase and decided I’d wear floral jeans and my lace top with my black wedges. After squeezing into my tight jeans, and putting my lace top on, I walk back into the bathroom. I use my towel to dry my hair and then apply some hair oil to keep in the moisture, makes the curls bounce a little more too. I’m looking at my face now, oh how morbid I look without any make-up on. I quickly put on some eye shadow, eye liner, and mascara. All the makeup I wear is on my eyes to keep me from looking too Asian. I refuse to wear foundation, it’ll ruin my skin and the whole purpose of taking care of it.

I’m finally done getting ready, and it’s time to lay down for a little bit. I can’t sleep at all though, there are just too many thoughts running around my head. What am I going to do without my piano? I wonder if mother could send my electric keyboard here, how much would that cost? I just really need to get my fingers on those black and white keys. Or maybe I could ask her to ship my guitar here instead, it’s more lighter. I look through my suitcase, and under all the clothes and accessories I see three colorful notebooks just right where I put it when I left this morning. My song book, my poetry book, and my goals book. I wish I could write a song, but without my instruments I won’t feel motivated to finish it. Maybe I’ll write a poem instead, but I have zero ideas on what to write about. So I take out my goals book, and read a few pages of what I’ve written.

                                                                                  February 9 2010

Dreams were meant to be chased after, that’s how you know it’s a dream…because you’ll do anything to make it happen. I’m going to make it happen, I’m going to be on t.v. and prove everyone that doubted me wrong. They’ll wish they never doubted me at all.

1.Write heartfelt songs 2.Perform them downtown 3.Get signed 4.Sell out at MSG.

I laughed at how foolish I was to think it could be that easy, but I know it’s going to happen. I didn’t grow up to be no failure, and my mom didn’t raise me to be one neither. This year is when I’ll actually have the opportunity for a scout to discover me, Naomi Alvarez. A girl from Cleveland that people didn’t believe could make it. Well they also believed I was ugly, till I hit puberty. That feeling of satisfaction when finally all the guys were looking at me though; I want to feel it again when the whole world is looking at me on stage. A knock on my door wakes me up from my thoughts, “Naomi? It’s Andres. My friends are meeting us at the park, are you ready?”. I get up from my bed, put on my wedges and walk to the door and unlock it. “Yes, I’m ready. Lets go!”, he was suddenly not as tall as before with my wedges on. He still had a few inches over me though, so attractive.