[TAENYFic] You are to me (completed)

20>Bonus story 18 (FINAL)

If you asked me what is the one word that i want to say to Tiffany the most, i can't give you the answer. Because for me, there is always these two words that i want to say to her. No, it's not three words like what you guys might predicted. It's only two actually. They are, "Thankyou" and "Sorry".
Thank you, for always forcing me out when i was too lazy to even move a muscle. Despite my protests and complaints, i secretly always being thankful for your persistence, stubbornnes, and effort to drag me out of my room. Since you can hardly accept no as the answer, i always ended up yeilding to you. The boredom almost killed me, Fany-ah but i found no reason to leave my room. Not until you barged in out of the blue and literally dragging me out of my room.
Thank you, for always lend me your ears when i have something to tell and share. I don't know why, but everytime i got my new schedule in my hand, i feel like telling you about it. As if i want you to be the first one to know every activity i'm going to do. Maybe because you always have a brilliant idea in your head. And usually it's always come in handy. Like whenever i have a schedule that i don't really know how to 'do it', you always help me to find a solution for it. For example when i told you i'm going to shoot my solo debut MV, 'I' in New Zealand by myself for few days, i might feel nervous and also bored to death by myself, you reassuring me that i will survived somehow.
Stylist unnies will go there too with me, and since i'm pretty close with them, i won't feel lonely because i have them with me. That's what Tiffany's said to me. Then she also said she will make sure to text me and call me whenever she has free time just to make sure i won't feel bored. Then the most brilliant idea from her is about asking Jiwoong oppa to accompany me since he's having a free time. Tiffany also believed my brother will agree if i ask him to go with me because he loves me, that's for sure, and then because Jiwoong oppa ever told her about having some friends in NZ. I can use that reason to 'lure' him. And again, she was right.
Thank you, for always giving me your endless support and sharing your positive energy to me. The other member also always supporting me. Well, we're supporting each other, always. But Tiffany always be the first one to do that for me. Tirelessly. When i got my first offer to sing an OST, she is the first one who keep singing the song with me. I still remember how she confidently said, "Trust me, your first OST will be a huge success, Taeyeon-ah." while showing her infamous eyesmile. Even my ownself at that time wasn't sure that people will like the song i sing. I was worried a lot about it and here she is, keep telling me that everything will be alright. That my song will be a success and people will like it. Just like how she likes the song so much. Just like how i like to sing it so much. At that time i thought, even if no one will like my song, at least i know there is someone who like it with all her heart. She even keep humming to it everyday ever since i let her to hear the song. Yeah, at least i know for sure that there's person who appreciated my song. And that enough for me. I can always try in the future if this song isn't accepted well by people. Overwhelmed, maybe that is the closest word to descibe my feeling when my first OST liked by many people. The reaction i got is way better than what i thought.
"See? I told you so, Kim Taeyeon." That's what Tiffany said to me with a proud smile on her face when my song hit the first place in many song charts.
Thank you, for being red when i'm blue. And being blue when i'm red. We're complementing each other perfectly. As we get older, the more we understand each other because we have spend more time together. The more i care about you, the more i love you. And i know you do the same.
We appreciated each other's presence more than anything. It's not the presents i gave you, or the foods you bought for me, but the things you do for me, and the things i do for you, that matters the most. Be it simple gestures or big obvious acts. Like how i always fix your hair out of habit, or how you keep taking pictures of me when we went to new places. You know that i'm a type of person who won't take a picture, especially of my ownself if people didn't ask me to because i don't feel the need to do that. I just like to take a walk in new place, enjoying the view, taste the foods, and take some pictures of unique things around me. But you, you're the opposite of me. You always feel the need to take a picture of yourself and your doings simply to keep it as memory. You said everything that happened today will soon be a memory. And our mind may forget about them and reloaded it with new things, a more recent memory that easier to remember. And for that, we need to capture every moments so we can look back at them again one day with a smile. I can understand if you do it for yourself but you don't. You also 'drag' me with you. That's why i have so many pictures of us in my phone because i always allow you to touch my phone. I believe i'll find more in yours though. I also know that you have many pictures of me in your phone, because i have been in this music industry for almost a decade. Even though i'm still a bit awkward with camera until today, i can easily detect them. I always realize and know it everytime you took a picture of me. Thank you for always took a pretty shot of me. And thank you for make a room for me to be part of your precious memories. We might be so different yet similar. Guess that's what make our friendship special.
Thank you for loving me. I don't think i have to elaborate more about this. Because i want you to simply love me. And i too will love you in the simplest way possible. You love me and i love you. Period.
And lastly, last but not least, remember that Tiffany Hwang.. Thank you for being you. I can't imagine my life without you in it. Heck, i think i will cry again if have to create a scenario in my head about my life without you. Thank you for bravely come to Korea alone by yourself to pursue your dream to be a singer despite the strong disapproval of your family. Thank you for coming to me and be my friend. Thank you for never leave my side and giving up on me no matter how crazy and annoying i could be. I know there were so many times i hurt you, accidentally or not. Thank you for always forgiving me for every mistake and stupid things i did. Please don't ever change, Fany-ah. Stay the same. Stay as Tiffany Hwang Miyoung that i know and befriended for almost 11 years now. Don't ever leave my side because you are part of my life now. Losing you is like losing a part of my life and it'll make a permanent hole in my heart. The place you owned in my life is irreplaceable. So no matter what happen, please stay. Stay in my life. For as long as possible. No matter how many time i try to pushed you away, please know that i never ever ever really want you to go away from me. I can be jerk sometimes, but please understand that this jerk can't live without you.
So once again thank you, Tiffany Hwang. Thank you for everything. As simple as that.

And then the second word i want to say to her is "Sorry."
There are so many times when i feel sorry to you. There are many things i want to apologize about, too.
I'm sorry because i can be as moody as hell at times even when i'm not on my period. There were times when i snapped at your for no clear reason. There were times i vent out my anger, my frustration on you simply because i know you will always try to understand and forgive me in the end. I'm sorry for taking you for granted. Told ya, i'm a jerk. And you deserved a big round of standing applause because you still stay beside this stupid ungrateful jerk for 11 years now. It's not easy to befriended Kim Taeyeon right? But you must feel proud too, Fany-ah because not everyone can easily befriended Kim Taeyeon. She's very selective in choosing her friends. She has so many insecurity and fear. She can't easily open up to people, she can't easily trust them, but you have broke down her wall since long time ago. You gained her trust and made her open up to you. She always feel safe and comfortable to confide in you. That's a privilege that only you have. And now she becomes so dependent on you. One strong blow from you will ruin her world. But she believes you won't ever do that. She trust you the most just like how you trust her. After all, it's all about take and give..and trust.
I'm sorry for often causing trouble for you. I know i once told Yoona to not apologize for what her fans did since it's out of her control. But when it comes to you, i think i can't just stay put and act as if i know nothing. When i didn't make an update in my SNS for more than 4 days, my fans will go berserk and go to your SNS instead, asking you about my whereabouts. Asking you about my condition whether i'm fine or not. Asking you to post a picture about me or with me, same things for me. You're my best friend, not my baby sitter. Sometimes fans just can't understand that.
Or when you post a picture with another person, they will again, asked about my whereabouts. Asking you why you take a picture with that person and not me? Why you're calling them with "baby" "boo" "bae" "bestie" and other cute pet names when you supposed to used them to called me. Why they can't just leave you alone? They didn't understand that you also have other friends, did they? I'm not the only friend you have in this world. And since you're very good in socializing with people, it's inevitable for you to gain many friends easily. Unlike me who always have a problem in approaching and talking with new people. I'm a bit of anti-social i know that. My fans sometimes can be more possessive toward you than i do.
Or when i post something and write a vague comment on it. They like to assumed things and easily feel worry about me. I know they're mean good. They just care about me a lot. And for that i'm more than grateful to my fans. But they don't have to go too far by flooding your instagram with pictures and comment about me. Asking you, even some of them strictly demanding you, to take care of me, to accompany me when i'm alone, to immediately go home to see me when you're still obviously enjoying your time or having a work outside and the other stuffs. For God's sake, you're not my mother. And surely not my baby sitter. I'm old enough to take care of my ownself and no need for them to tell you what to do. I believe even without people telling you to do this and that, you will always take care of me and be there for me when i need you.
I know it's hard to be you. I know it's hard to be one of the closest person to me. How i wish i can stop them from disturbing you like that. Even though you never said it, i know it was disturbing you. So, on my fans' behalf, let me apologize to you. Sorry, Fany-ah..
And one of the worst is when the news of you dating someone got revealed to public. They are blaming you for dating someone else who is not me. They are blaming you for hurting me and broke my heart. For lying to them of all these years. For made them believe in us, in TaeNy when in the end you just slapped them hard to wake them up from their 'sweet dream'. They're calling you names. How i wish i can slap every and each of them who said bad things about you. They didn't know a thing about you, about him, about us. And what anger me the most is the fact that they acted as if they know about my feeling for you. When in fact, i myself still confused about it.
I'm sorry, Fany-ah. I'm sorry. For not even sure about my feeling for you. I shouldn't even confused about it in the first place since you're my best friend for over decade. But the fact that i can't decide yet about what to label my own feeling really make me mad with myself. I can't tell you this yet. And for that, i'm sorry..