Nasa terrace ako at nag-stargazing nang biglang may shooting star. Sabi nila, pag may dumaan daw na shooting star ay magwish ka at mangyayari daw yung wish mo. So, believing such nonsense story will do me no harm. I closed my eyes and wished..
"Sana crush din ako ni Hero."
Ang clear ng sky ngayon. walang moon kaya klarung-klaron ang mga stars sa langit. Ang gandang tingalain ng mga bitwin. They remind me of Hero.
A lovely sight to feast my eyes on.
Why do keep on wishing upon the stars?
Stars talaga kase hopeless ang case ko.
Lahat ng stars ay nahingan ko na ng wish... Wala epek.
Stars don't have ears, do they?
Why do I keep on wishing for him to like me in a certain way?
Why the need to look at him or be with him?
Why miss him?
I haven't felt this way for so long.
I wasn't able to experience this - - -being admired by someone you also admire when I was in my growing years. They were perhaps, afraid of me or maybe because of my father who was very strict to me that no one ever dared to tell me what I'm yearning to hear.
The feeling of being wanted or admired by someone you still secretly admire has always been elusive to me.
Perhaps, it's that reason why I still wish upon a star, the moon, even. If I have to include the earth, I'd do it.
I long for that person to tell me that he cares in a special way... I long to be touched.
I long to be told I'm beautiful because lately, I don't feel being one. I don't expect him to pursue or court me. I just need him to tell me he likes me because I am "still" pretty and he sees me thay way.
Walang halong pang-eestoy.
I don't see myself as someone adorable or admirable anymore...
I didn't get to enjoy that thought when I was younger.
Then, thinking back got me crying now.
I am imsecure in my own skin. That's why.
I hate that I'm fat.
I hate that I can no longer dance as gracefully as before.
I hate that I can't sing that well anymore.
I hate that no soul has a secret admiration towards me.
IS THAT SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?
Dumaan na ang stage ng life ko na naging maganda at seksi ako pero di ko man lang naramdaman na meron akong tagahanga.
Ni hindi ko nga naconsider na seksi ako nun dahil may nagbu-bully sa akin nung high school ako. Sabi nila mataba ako. So I took it in seriously and by heart and considered myself undesirable, unwanted, unloveable, a nobody, mataba, panget at walang magkakagusto sa akin. Kaya palagi na lang akong nakayuko kapag naglalakad mag-isa nun kahit na nga ngayon eh. Nandito pa rin sa utak ko yung mga sinabi nung mga taong yun! Yun kase ang sabi nila. It must be true.
At sa kapanahunan ko, iyong mga crushes ko pare-parehu lang ang standard nila sa isang babae--- HINDI AKO.
Mataas---5 feet lng ako.
Maputi---- morena ako.
Seksi----- mas payat sila kay sa sakin.
Mataas ang buhok--- shoulder level lng buhok ko.
Straight ang hair---- frizzy buhok ko. kaya nga ako nagpastraight ng hair.
Fashionable---Manang akong manamit kahit na nga ngayon ganun pa rin.
In short, I AM NOT PRETTY TO THOSE GUYS I CONSIDERED MY CRUSHES!
Capslock gamit ko kase
Nang-gagalaiti ako sa inis.
I don't trust my eyes.But I'm certain I can look pretty if I want to.
Pasado na ba ako sa
Standard nila?
I doubt it.
Siguro nga ay tama sila. Ni hindi nga ako kayang iconsider ni Hero na crush nya...
Bakit ko pa ico-consider na maganda ako?
Now, you tell me.
Should I keep on wishing and pushing my luck on him?
Or it would be better to forget and move on?
