Sabi nila, one sure way to forget your feelings toward a person is to find something you find interesting than that person.
I had to divert my feelings for him. He has to see me getting over him. He has to.
If I can hoax him into thinking that I have forgotten about him and that I no longer find him attractive, may help me get over things that connects to him.
And I will take refuge upon that fact. And acting that I have moved on might actually make myself believe that I have moved on.
Ibinaling ko na lang sa ibang bagay ang nararamdaman ko sa kanya. Tulad na lang ng paggawa ng poems... about him.
Which kinda defeated the purpose, di ba?
I wrote this poem two weeks after my confession.
A poem for Hero
My days have grown weary
Your eyes were never dreamy
I really felt odd and sorry
Heart of yours were never mine, baby
My heart slowly died from heart arrest
My beauty to you never was a joy and a feast
I really felt somehow at peace
With the knowledge that we can only be friends
So i say goodbye to this craziness
Empty the cup of hope and be feelingless
Dress up with power and dutifulness
Waive now the ladle of being clueless
They say, "Life ain't fair"
It doesn't bestow to us who we care
It only gives us learning when we are in despair
And help us realize that you can always start somewhere
-------------------------
May pagka-ironic ako eh. Gumagawa ng poem about sa kanya para kuno makalimot . Acheche!
Si Hero lang naman ang dadayain ko
...at si B sa gagawin kong pagpe-pretend. But deep inside me, Hero will always have my vote of confidence.
I pretended the following days.
During our practices, I tried to look straight into other singers eyes and conversed with the rest of the tenors but him. I never did look even for a second to his direction. It might give me away. Mahihirapan akong itago ang tunay kong nararamdaman pag ginawa ko yun.
" Tenors, let's take it from page 68 rehearsal D meausre 43".
Then I sang A flat as their first pitch sa rehearsal D.
" Tm ta-ka-ta-ka-tm Tm ta-ka-tm ta-ka".
Kinanta ko 43rd measure ng kantang 'kaisa-isa niyan' para di sila mawala sa rhythm or pitch.
Madali lng yun kase puro lang A flat. Nahirapan lng ako konti sa rhythmic pattern dahil mabilis ang tempo. 120 beats per minute kase. Di ako sanay. Newbie pa ako sa larangan ng choir conducting.
Yong mga kasama niyang tenor lang ang ina-eye contact ko kase nga nako-conscious pa rin ako sa kanya.
Isang dahilan kung bakit di ko na sya masyadong binibigyan ng pansin dahil sa tingin ko, kina-count na ng mga singers ko kung ilang beses ko syang tinititigan tuwing practices. Nakikita ko kaseng may sinusulat sila. Nakikita ko ang direksyun ng tip ng ballpen --- creating an illusion of one straight line which I think is numerial number ONE.
