Are You Sure?

Chapter 15

"I.." I start.
"What is it?" She asks.
"Why were you holding my hand?" I say. I was going to say that I heard what she said, but I just couldn't.
"Oh.. Well I just I'm glad you're okay. I really care about you Carl." She says to me. She avoids eye contact.
"Yeah." I said.

Yeah? Really Carl? Ugh.

"Well anyways," I say, changing the subject,"remember in school how you used to tie your hair-" I was taking and looking at her. As soon as I mentioned school, she looked down at her foot and frowned. Probably remembering when it was there.

"In a ribbon." She finished.
"Not just any ribbon. A red ribbon, and sometimes yellow." I recall.
"How do you-" She starts, but I cut her off by pulling her old ribbon out.
"CARL." She says. "Oh-Oh my God. How did you- where did you- why did you." I watched as she fumbled over her words.
"I went after you." I say. No one knew this.
"What?" She says. "What do you mean?"
"When this whole thing first started I ran to the ranch and searched your barn. You were long gone and so was the barn. I snuck past the walkers in the front and went through the back. I ran upstairs and looked around. I grabbed your ribbons and your pictures." I say, handing her the scrapbook she made.

She started to tear up. "Oh, Carl. Thank you." She springs toward me, wrapping her arms around me, "Thank you so much." She stiffens and pulls away. She flattens out the ribbon on her lap, just like she used to, and throws her hair up. She swiftly grabs the ribbing and ties it in a perfect bow. I watch as she pulls her bloody hair to the side. Sweat drips in beads down by her ears and I quickly swipe it off with my thumb. She looks at me and looks back to her foot.

She turns her head to me quickly and then back. Her eyes stare widely at her legs. "It's gone." She says, ignoring my comment.
" I've never said it out loud before, but it's gone." She says. "Just a sad old stump." She says and her voice cracks. My eyes widen and I look at her with concern. "IT'S GONE." She yells, slamming her hands down in the dirt. She starts to shake. "I know." I say quietly at first.

"NO YOU DON'T." She yells.
I hold her while she cries and pick up her hand placing it over my bandage. Her fingers tremble against what was once there. "I do." I whisper to her. Tears silently stream down her face and it goes quiet, like the whole world has stopped.

"I'm sorry." She whispers.
She is sitting with her left leg across her body and I reach down to touch it. "It's okay." I reply.

Glenn comes stumbling around the corner. "Denise is dead." He says. I look to Emma who still has a lot of physical therapy ahead and all I can think is: 'what about Emma.' Emma is staring blankly at the ground, then she looks to me, eyebrows furrowed, and tears brimming her already bloodshot eyes.

I put my hat on and stand up, "What happened?" I ask.
"Daryl, Rosita, and herself were all out around Negan's grounds. An arrow through her eye."
"Shit." I say to myself. I turn my head to Emma, who'd limping down the road.
"Glenn can you get my dad? He'll know what to do. He should be with Michonne out by the east wall." I say quickly, and he nods, leaving.

I turn and run after her. "Where are you going?" I ask, holding her up.
"Let go, Carl." She says.
"Wh-"
"Just. Let. Go." She says.
I let go of her. "I'm going to the house." She says.
"Okay. Do you want me to come with you?" I ask.
She stops and turns, "Carl, if you want to come back to the house because you want to, sure. But if you are only going back to the house because of me, then don't. Don't bother. I don't need another person suffocating me, constantly breathing down my back. Don't look at me like I'm broken or some shit. Everyone else can, but not you Carl. Please don't. I can handle everyone else thinking I'm some sort of depressed child, but not you. Your eye is gone and I still see you as the same Carl. Look at me as me. Not like everyone else does. If I break down or cry or get angry, it's because I'm human. It's because I don't want to hold it in anymore. And I'm sorry that you have to see me like that, but don't let that or this," She says gesturing toward her leg, "Change your opinion of me, Emma Grace." With that, she turns around and goes inside the house.

"So are you coming in or not?" She says.
I snap out of my thoughts down and follow her inside.

-----

Emma's P.O.V.
We sit on opposite sides of the couch in silence. I keep looking at Carl. I know what I said when he was got shot was true because all I can think about is sliding towards him. Before I wasn't sure if I wanted him to hear what I said because he hadn't spoken to me for three months. I'm still not sure why he didn't speak to me. All I know is that now I'm sure that I want him to know. I want him to have heard what I said. What I confessed when he was unconscious. I love him.

"Why didn't you speak to me for three months?" I ask, and he slowly looks to me.
"Three months, six days, and eleven hours." He says.
I look at him. "How-" I say.
"As soon as I asked if you were okay, I stopped my watch." He looks down at it.
"Thee months. Six days. Eleven hours. I started it when we hadn't talked for a day. Because I knew, it was starting." He says.
"What was starting?" I ask, sliding toward him a little.
"You had talked to Gabe all day. The start of you two." He says, sliding toward me.
"Carl." I laugh, "You're such an idiot." I put my forehead in my palm.
"Why?" He asks.
"Why wouldn't you talk to me. It killed me, Carl. Slowly and painfully killed me. I thought you didn't want anything to do with me. I thought you hated me. I woke up that morning and when I walked into the kitchen, I saw you and Gabe at the table and I could tell something happened. What happened Carl?" I ask.

"Nothing you should hear about." He says.
"Carl." I say firmly, looking at him.

"He just asked me about you. Our past. Then he told me that he still loved you. It was obvious that you had feelings for him too, so I stepped out. I don't want to get in the way of your happiness." He says, eyes not leaving the ground.

"Carl, don't you get it?" I ask.

"Get what?" He asks turning toward me.
I scoot right next to him, "You can't just drop me. Too many people have left me. Too many people unexpectedly. Please don't be one of those people."

"I won't be." He whispers.
He looks down at his watch, restarting it.
I look at him and he does the same. We both decide we need rest and decide to take a nap.

-----

I wake up and look around. What the hell? Where am I? What-

"I-" I start to say.
"What is it?" The boy next to me sits up quickly, looking at me.
"I don't remember."

Carl's P.O.V.
"I don't remember." She says.

Suddenly I remember my dad telling me that it was a miracle she had remembered most things. She had only been awake for two hours now.

"What? You don't remember what?" I ask urgently.
"What happened." She says. Her eyes were darting all around the ground, trying so hard to remember.
"A lot has happened."  I say.
"Where are we? What am I doing here? Who are you?" She asks.

Who are you?
It echoes in my mind. She just asked me who I am. No. no.

"It's me. Carl." I say, desperately.
She looks completely lost.
"I gave you the ribbon in your hair. The scrapbook on that table. You used to wear a ribbon everyday in class. You made that scrapbook. I found you alone. Took you in. I've known you for so long. You moved away but I never forgot about you. You're name is Emma Grace. You're foot was bit off by a walker last night. I'm the boy in he back of the class. I'm the boy who got his eye shot out by Ron." I get down on my knees in front of her, "I'm the boy who you love. You're the girl I love."

"I'm sorry." She says.
We both start to cry.
"Where's Gabe?" She asks.

Gabe? So she can remember Gabe but not me?

"He's outside." I say, standing up and moving out of her way.
She gets up quietly, grabs her crutches, and leaves. I watch her out the window as she goes towards Gabe. I watch as they talk and she jumps on him as he spins her around. What the hell just happened?