XY and Z

10: The Cave

     It had been two months since she stopped eating properly. She had been hiding from Z for around a month and not once did she see him at all. Her separation from him felt good, as good as she could feel right now. Her head hurt from crying so hard and often. Her eyes burned from the lack of sleep. Her stomach felt numb from the lack of food. All she could think was...I did this to myself.

     She felt so alone and she was alone. She started picturing what she wanted at the beginning of school year. She imagined her laughing in the courtyard with her friends and making plans for the beach or sleepovers. When she thought of what she wanted as far as a relationship went. Her and anyone but Z walking through the park by her great grandma's house playing with some stranger's dog. Her eyes started watering and that rush she always felt in her sinuses when she was about to cry. she imagined Z hugging her before she got on the bus with a innocent smile instead of a flirty grin. She refused to break down again and start sobbing. Tears rolled in protest of her remaining willpower, but she didn't make sound nor did she allow her face to turn red.

     That night her nightmare was different than the rest. In the nightmare she was strapped to a cold metal wall. The room was harshly lit like aliens were about to probe her and smelled of disinfectant. she was filthy with sweat, blood and dirt. She was terrified, crying and just extremely overwhelmed with emotions that didn't even make sense. She struggled uselessly against her restraints. She heard foot steps.

     "Is anyone there? please help me! I don't where I am and I can't stop feeling! she sobbed. No answer came, instead Z appeared and walked towards her with a devilish grin. He stomach churned, her heart started racing and her brain felt as if someone had poured acid in her head. With every step that Z took the feeling in her stomach, chest and head worsened. he was less than a foot away when her stomach ripped open and a monster that looked just like her jumped out. It landed on all fours, it had long cat like nails on the end of human fingers. The monster had thin dark brown fur all over it's body, with calluses on its back, some of them looked more like baby horns. She looked at it face and it made eye contact Its face looked exactly like hers, then it changed. Its eyes turned black, it bared its pearly white fangs and slowly turned to Z.

     "NO! DON'T HURT HIM PLEASE!!!!". She screamed while her organs and her life blood spilled to the floor. The monster gave her a look of disbelief and pity. She started fading but she clung to every breath, every beat of her heart. The monster attacked, tackling Z to the ground then she blacked out... went she came to Z was gone without a trace. The monster saved her? She was lying on the floor moments from death. The monster crouched next to her with a face of sadness and scooped her up into a gentle hug that just consumed her, she felt safe and secure. With the last of her strength she hugged it back then she closed her eyes forever.

     She bolted upright in bed, heaving for air. She could feel how pale her face was and she felt dizzy. The time was 3:00 AM. She tried to compose herself, but the color won't return to her face.

     That day she went to school and did what was now her norm: Skip breakfast, get on the bus. stare out the window and choose which route to take to her classes. Get off the bus and spot Z before Z spotted her. Once she had conformation on were Z was she would pick a spot that he wouldn't notice her. Sneak off to her classes when the bell rang. Try to focus on the material being taught. When break comes her best friend, M and herself would sit by the wall away from everyone. Pray that Z doesn't turn the corner and see her. Go back to her classes, make sure Z didn't see her. At lunch go straight to the buses and don't look behind you! 

     This couldn't be her life. This had to be one of her horrible nightmares. This wasn't her running and hiding. This person who was afraid, before this she was never afraid of anything but spiders and her parents separating. 

     She broke down on the bus after her best friend got off. All the way home she let tears slide down her face, because this was her and her life. she was afraid and she was destroying herself for being weak, emotional, naïve, and a coward. She didn't open her front door when she came to it, she didn't even take her key out. instead she threw her book bag on the front step and stumbled around the corner of the house to her garage.

     To her the garage was in the domain of the many house spiders inside. It was cramped and cluttered with dusty old antiques. The entire building was big, dark, and filled with small critters and spiders that she wanted no part of. The garage had always been filled with her worst dreams which paled in comparison to her most recent of nightmares. At this moment in time she didn't care about what the garage was or what filled it. Right now it was a cave separating her from everything outside; Z, school, her parents, her friends... everything that she hated about this cave was now everything she wanted; the dark, the silence, the cold, hard, concrete floor...

     As she closed the door behind her the darkness swooped over the inside. She sat down leaning against the door. The tears started again. She thought: how could you have let this happen? Why did you have to get so emotional over some boy? Why are you so afraid? questions she didn't really have answers to. Why don't you tell someone? Your best friend? Mom? Dad? The counselor? Anyone! It just seemed too late, would it really help at this point? she doubted that telling someone now would make any difference in what happened or how she felt. Furthermore how do you tell your parents that some boy at school molested you in front of his friends?

     In her mind she replayed everything that happened again. From beginning to now all the feelings, actions, the words, the sights, the sounds... the thoughts. She let herself fall over on her side and let all the sadness, frustration out. She choked on her own sobs, she yelled out everything she was feeling and imagined Z being there to hear it! For the first time since her parents near divorce she prayed to god to do something, anything to get her out of here. She didn't care if god saw it fit to wipe her off the face of the earth if it meant her having some peace. She prayed that Z would get what coming to him! That he would never do this to M again!  That her best friend would never get mixed up in this! She begged this and more. She cried herself sick and blue in the face for two hours.

     Later when she finally walked through the front door of the house she put her book bag in her room and called her dad. She asked him to pick up chocolate from the store, it was obvious that she had been crying because her voice was hoarse. She didn't care if she sounded half dead. She thought that maybe she could force some chocolate down her throat and be happy for one night. Chocolate was about the only thing that she wanted to eat for the past few days.