XY and Z

11: Hanging On

      The next morning she woke up with eyes like fire. She slept at least seven hours which was better than before. Surprisingly, she felt a little better from yesterday. Sometimes people just need a good cry session to feel better. She ate a bit of chocolate for breakfast, she didn't finish the bar though so she took it to school.

     Today instead of hiding from Z she decided that she would hang out in the crowd. It was the first time in six months that anyone who hung out in the courtyard had seen her. It was also the first time in six months that she felt that she could deal with being around Z again. As long as  he didn't touch or talk to her. She was nervous as hell walking to were it all began, but in a way it was a start in over coming her fear.

     It turned out some people noticed her absence which was bittersweet. She wanted to apologize for not being there for the people who actually cared and at the same time it was heart breaking to know they cared and did nothing. A few of them pulled her aside from the crowd and asked what was going on with her.  She still didn't want to tell them anything about Z and her decline but she didn't have a good enough lie. So she told them what was going on and they weren't surprised. They went on for about ten minutes telling her about all the girls that had played mind games with.

     She walked to class as she pondered over everything her friends had said about Z. After everything she still didn't want to believe it all. She hadn't seen Z anywhere that morning, it wasn't until she was walking with her friends to chorus that she spotted him. They rounded a corner and right were Z used to hug her she saw a girl that she had never seen before in his arms. She had avoided this route to class when she could because it reminded her of so much fun with Z. She looked at Z and they made eye contact, after six months of hiding and being in pain over this person she still liked him enough to be jealous of this new girl. It shocked her, she stop dead in her tracks just looking at them together.

     "Come on guys the bell is going to ring soon, we need to get out of here." One of her friends said to the group while specifically looking at her. Her friends agreed and they purposefully blocked her sight of Z as they walked with her to chorus.

     She felt bad that she was being a burden on her friends but then again she didn't ask them to do this for her. It was a good thing that they were here to keep her mind off of what she just saw. Throughout class they would talk to her about Z and how she was feeling. It was nice to finally tell someone just how awful things had gotten inside her head. She told them almost everything, the only things she didn't tell about was her eating habits and drinking. She had been sneaking liquor from the fridge lately. She honestly didn't know why she continued to drink the stuff; It all burned her throat and had no real taste to it. He parents would kill her if they knew, in her family drinking continuously like she was is a disgrace. So in her mind she was punishing herself by being a disgrace to the family.

     Despite what she saw on the way to chorus she still felt okay less so than this morning but enough to try and eat something at lunch. The menu was pizza or a hamburger neither sounded or look good. When she got out of line she spotted K the girl she spoke to in her biology honors class and chose to sit with K and her friends. They got talking and it turns out that all of them were homosexual, except K from biology. The one guy in the group was gay and the other three were girls either bisexual, pansexual or lesbian.

     One of the girls said she had seen her with Z at the beginning of the year and asked what was going on between them. So she told her story again and they all listened with open minds, they asked questions like why she didn't walk away? One of the girls actually saw her get molested in the courtyard and they talked about that as well. They talked about everything and she had no control over the conversation, after a minute she just spilled everything upon request and didn't realize until it was all out.

     The guy in the group asked why she hadn't touched her food. She looked around and everyone else had finished or nearly finished their meal while hers was untouched. She was caught and she didn't say anything. She looked down at her food, then she did something that hadn't done in about four months. She picked up the hamburger took a bite, chewed and swallowed. She gagged twice but she got that one bite down. The others saw her gag and struggle with her food.

     A few seconds later she saw Z walk by with the new girl. She started to feel sick her stomach, whether it was the food or seeing them together she didn't know. He had the new girl in his arms and they laughed as he tickled her sides. Something that Z would do to her in the courtyard at break. She couldn't stop watching them, it was mesmerizing to think that he was going do it again. She was worried for the girl he had in his arms, working to fool her, to take advantage of this poor girl. She has seen and felt what Z was capable of.

     She couldn't let him get away with it. First M, then her, now this new girl. when will he stop and see the damage that he has caused? She wouldn't let this girl be Z's new play toy, she was not about to let this new girl go through what she herself has gone through. So tomorrow she would eat breakfast and get her friends to help Z's latest victim, but no matter how hard she tried, no matter how long she thought of all the good it would do she still couldn't sleep.