I did it

I Did It- Chapter 5

Just like yesterday morning, I wake up slowly. I look over to my nightstand and see a note. I think it's from my mom. I roll over and grab it.

"Dear Jai,

                 It seems as if you've been missing out on a lot of the school days and not turning in your homework. We're afraid that if you miss another day, you'll have to resort to summer school, or we'll have to drop you without warning.

                                                                   Thank you,

                                                                                           Mrs. Burkley"

Ugh. Another thing for my mom to bitch at me about. I believe she's already gone, considering the fact the note is in my bedroom. I'm going to get beat for this when Mom gets home...

I sigh and put the note down and go to the bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. Ew, just, ugly. I'll never be pretty, with or without makeup. I look down at my feet and back up in the mirror. I lift up my shirt and turn sideways in the mirror. I'm so fat. My hips stick out so far and you can see my ribs but I'm still too fat. I put my shirt down and look at my wrist. So red, so deep, so many.. too little. I walk downstairs and plug my iPod into the stereo and blare "Diamonds Aren't Forever" by BMTH, along with BVB, FFR, FIR, Asking Alexandria, and Papa Roach. I dance to them, pretending I'm in a mosh pit, at my favorite band's concert, with a VIP backstage pass, having the time of my life. There for a moment, I was actually happy. The pain was gone, the music was deafening, but I didn't care, because for that moment in time, I wasn't just breathing, I was living, enjoying myself, finally... okay.

As I was dancing, my foot slipped and I fell. But instead of curling up in pain, I laughed. Just imagining being in the mosh pit, falling, drunks laughing and falling too....

The fun ended when my mom's car pulled in..

I hurried to get up and shut off my iPod and decided to look as if I was getting something to eat. My mom came in. She seemed calm. I looked at her as I closed the cupboard.

"Hi Mom." I said.

"You skipped school for the second day in a row?" She said. She was staring at me, never blinking. Just a stone cold face.

"Uh, yeah. I wasn't feel well yesterday and today I fe-"

She came up to me and slapped me in the face. She started cursing at me and I backed up to the living room, trying to get a good distance away but she kept getting closer. She hit me again.

"I DON'T GET WHY YOU THINK YOU FAKING BEING SICK IS AN EXCUSE! YOU SKIPPING SCHOOL MAKES ME LOOK LIKE A BAD PARENT THAT DOESN'T CARE FOR HER KID!"

I flinched. She's never ever screamed like that before. I stepped back and fell on the couch as the back of my legs fell from beneath me.

"Mom s-st-stop!"

She hit me on the thighs hard. I screamed out and curled up covering my face with my hands and my chest with my knees. She kept hitting me. Each time  going faster, harder. The suddenly stopped.  I heard her sniffle. I kept covering myself, but looked back. She was looking down with tears in her eyes.

"Why do you do the things you do? Why do you skip school? Why do you act the way you do? Why do you make things harder on me? What makes you want me to hit you? I don't understand. I have to go back to work."

She went and grabbed leftovers from last night and left without a word. I heard her car speed away.

I sat there and held a pillow to my chest, and cried out. I cried so hard, so loud, it started to hurt me inside. My heart was pounding, the pillow was starting to get wet from all the tears, my body ached. I breathed in deeply and tried to calm myself down as I told myself she was gone and that I'm safe again.

There's only one way to solve this. Overdosing. I slowly walk up the stairs, holding the wall. I get to my room, grab all my sleeping pills, and go into the bathroom and shut the door. I lock it too. I go to my bathtub and run the water. I keep my clothes on. If I'm taking my life today, I'm taking my favorite clothes with me. After the water is almost over-filling the bathtub, I get in with my pill bottle. I sit and relax for a few minutes before opening the pill bottle. I sit up and grab it. I open it up, dump all the pills into my hand and shove them all in my mouth, and swallow all of them. I sit there, untouched by the pills.

Just as I was getting ready to abort this plan, I feel my head smash against the bathtub wall and sink into the water.

A few tears fall as I smile. I'm finally doing something right with my life...