I did it

I Did It- Chapter 3

I go up to my room and slam my door shut and lock it. I walk into the bathroom, shut the door, lock it, then start to cry. She's right. I'm a huge disappointment. Just another fuck up. I bet she wishes she had another kid. Someone who does sports, had good grades, knows what they want to do with her life. Someone.. better.

I stand up and look in the mirror. Ew, just, ew. So disgusting. I wipe my tears off and grab my razor out of my metal case. I start to cut. More cuts. Deeper...deeper... deeper. I see black spots fill my vision. I stop and look down. The blood's running down my arm and dripping onto the floor. I shivered and decided to get into the shower. That was too much blood for me to clean up just using a wash-rag. It burns but it's what I deserve. I'm so ugly and fat and just I can't believe my mom didn't have an abortion when she was pregnant with me. I don't get why she didn't kill me when she had the chance.

I get out and wrap a half a roll of toilet paper on my wrist. Toilet paper has a thing in it that makes it stick to the blood and actually absorb it, rather than a wash rag that smears it around, getting you nowhere.

I sigh and put on my jacket. I didn't have any homework, so I went downstairs and got into my secret booze stash in the fridge. I take some whiskey and go back upstairs. I start drinking it straight from he bottle. Big, huge, gulps. I stop drinking and the bottle's a little more than halfway gone. I burp and  hold my stomach. I'm not going to be sick, just drank a lot at once.

I stand up and fall back onto the bed. I was so dizzy and my vision was blurred. I got into my dresser, and took out my painkiller pills. I took the whiskey and the pills, and shoved them both in my mouth. I laid down on the bed and sat there, dizzy, watching the black spots take over my vision until I eventually passed out. I hope this is it.