I did it

I Did It- Chapter 10

I slowly wake up and see that my laptop is on some weird video. Stupid auto-play. I rub my eyes and grab my phone and see that there's a message from Josh.

"Hey I hope you're sleeping well. I have to work today and I'll get off around 5 or so. I'll message you when I'm off."

I smiled and shook my head. He's a dork, a cute one at that. But he probably doesn't think the same about me. I go downstairs and see a note from my mom. She went to work today, as planned. Good. I don't really want her to skip work just because of me. I already hold her back enough..

I turned on the TV and started flipping through channels. There was nothing on, so I went back up to my room and went into the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror. Biting my lip, I started to take my clothes off slowly. With each piece of clothing off, I looked at what was being exposed. I reached around and unhooked my bra and took off my underwear. I looked up and stared at myself in the mirror. Examining everything, from my hair, to the tips of my toes.  I sigh and turn to the side. I lowered my head as I looked in the mirror. My weak body. My ever so thin, weak body. I saw my hip bones jutting out, I bent over and my spine was completely visible. I stood back up and looked at my collarbone. It was so visible. My ribs were just barely showing. My thigh gap, exposing a huge gap between my legs. I'm so ugly. I'm so fat. I pinched my thigh and I could still have a small grip of what fat was left on my legs. I sighed and looked down at my wrists. Scars, everywhere. Some old, some new, barely enough, but quite a few. Not enough for my liking. I'm ugly, so there should be more. More. More.. MORE....

I grabbed some scissors and looked down at them, turning them in my hands. Debating; thinking. I looked at my wrist, then my scissors. No, I told myself. If Josh found out, he'd freak and leave you. The thought of losing him hurt me, but I wouldn't blame him. I'd hate me too. I DO HATE ME, TOO. I looked up at my naked body. I started looking at my hair. My long, blonde waves, flowing down to my belly button. I picked it up and played with it. Chewing on my lip, I put the scissors to my hair, and opened up the scissors, placing them onto my hair. I closed my eyes. No, don't, I told myself. Mom would freak and Josh would think less of you. I opened my eyes and dropped the scissors. I started to cry. I was breaking down again and I cant do anything for myself. I dropped to the floor and held myself, crying. Crying harder and harder. Why am I not dead? Why am I still here? I've tried so many times and have failed. Perhaps, I can try again...

I wiped my tears and stood up. I got into my cabinet and took out my pills I use for pain. I know this failed last time, but who am I to not try again. I opened up the bottle and dumped a bunch of pills into my hand. I then walked into my room and grabbed my water bottle, walking fast into my bathroom. I sat in the bathtub and shoved all the pills into my mouth and chugged all the water in the bottle. I sat against the tub wall and closed my eyes, waiting. I heard the front door open and my mom coming into the house. Shit.

"Jai I'm home! I bought stuff and I need help carrying them in!" She shouted.

"Be right there!" Damn. Damn, damn damn.

I stood up and started throwing my clothes back on, trying to hurry before any of the pills started to kick in. I ran out of my bathroom, hitting my hip on the doorknob on the way out. I swallowed the scream and started my way down the stairs. I tripped over my own feet, almost falling down the stairs. I started breathing heavily, trying to hurry. I started to see black spots and I saw my mom at the door getting ready to carry in some groceries. She looked at me.

"Honey, are you okay? You don't look to good." She said, putting the bags down.

"I- I'm.. ok-okay... P-promi..."

At that moment I dropped to the ground and blacked out completely. Maybe this was it, maybe I have finally succeeded at killing myself. But I felt bad, since my mom was right there when it happened...

**SORRY FOR NOT UPLOADING RECENTLY. I FEEL REALLY BAD BUT LIFE HAS BEEN CRAZY LATELY BUT I PLAN ON TRYING TO UPDATE MY  STORIES AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK OR ONCE EVERY TWO WEEKS**