Dandelions and Other Short Plays (#wattys2016)

Kendall and the Suitor (Comedy)

Characters:
Kendall: She is an independent woman who don't need no man.
Mother: Really wants to marry off her daughter.
Father: Helps Kendall find a solution to her problem
James: A Suitor
Suitor: A different suitor

(Kendall, her mom, and her dad are preparing for Kendall's Suitor. Her mom has tried to have her married but for some reason Kendall hasn't had a single suitor like her. Kendall is 18 and doesn't want to get married, so she and her father have come up with a plan to make all of her suitors believe she's a bipolar psychopath. James is one of the many suitors that Kendall has been through.)

Mother: (Fixing her hair) ...And remember to be kind and polite, and try not to scare this one off this time.

Kendall: Mom! Why are we doing this! Did it ever occur to you that I can just be single?

Mother: (Sighs. To the father) Can you please talk some sense into your daughter?

Father: Your mother is right Kendall. Its time you got married and carried on the family name. We're going to need someone to look after the Mansion when we're gone.

Kendall: So why can't I do it by myself.

Mother: Because you are much too weak my little buttercup. You need a man to help guide you.

Kendall: What is this the 60s? I don't need a man to tell me what to do!

Mother: Of course you do dear!

Kendall: Well it's nice to know feminism is dead here.

Mother: That's the spirit! (Finishes fixing her hair) Now promise me you'll try to impress this suitor?

Kendall: Fine I promise.

Mother: Good. Come along dear.

Father: I'll be right there. (He waits for the mom to walk off stage) You didn't really mean that did you?

Kendall: Of course not!

Father: That's my girl! Now don't hurt him too badly. We wouldn't want him to end up like Will.

Kendall: (Laughs) I suppose I'll try.

Father: Okay. Kill him tiger.

Kendall: You got it dad!

BLACKOUT

(The audience sees Kendall and James together at a table laughing and enjoying themselves)

James: So I told him if you call this a Big Mac then I must be the Easter Bunny.

Kendall: (Starts Laughing) That was hilarious! So how long have you been living in California?

James: A little over a year.

Kendall: Really? I've lived here all my life! Mom is convinced that's why I'm crazy! (She begins to laugh obnoxiously.) Wow you really are perfect! Smart, Charming, Easy on the eyes....

James: And if you order now comes with a free BMW (Kendall leans back in a giant uproar of laughter)

Kendall: You are too much

James: I think I'm in love (They both lean in to kiss. Just before they do James lets out a giant burp. Both are taken aback by this)

Kendall: Did you just burp in my face?

James: It was an accident! Honest!

Kendall: I knew it! I knew you were too good to be true! I knew you were bad news the moment you walked in here! I knew you had it out for me! All you and the others wanted to do was hurt me! What did I ever do to deserve this!

James: The others? Wait, how many others have you gone through?

Kendall: Well let's see. There was Brad lovely fellow all the way up unto the point where he forgot his wallet. And then John let me tell you I had it for John, though I soon realized fate did not want us together when he left the toilet seat down even though he was peeing. Then the w triplets Will, Willy, and William. William was a psycho; Willy liked chocolate (she makes a face) and Will, well let's just say he screwed up so bad that no one currently knows where the body is. Then there was...

James: Okay I get it. You like to crush on a bunch of guys and dump them for the next best thing.

Kendall: You don't know anything about me!

James: I do know you're a lunatic!

Kendall: Did you just call me a lunatic. Oh so you think I'm crazy right well... (All of a sudden looks at him angrily.) I'll show you crazy! (She jumps on his back and begins to thrash around on his back. He begins to run around frantically. He runs off stage; He comes back on stage Kendall has a bat in her hand and is hitting him upside the head with it. He runs off the other side of the stage; He comes back on stage once more and this time with her arms around his neck trying to strangle him. He struggles with her but eventually gets her off of his back.

James: That's enough! Jeez what is wrong with you?

Kendall: (Sincere) I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just had a tiny outburst.

James: Tiny?

Kendall: (Angrily) James! (Calms herself down) Look I can forgive you, I just want us to get past this because our love is stronger than a stupid mistake and a small, little outburst. So what do you say? Second Chance?

James: Are you kidding me?

Kendall: (Angrily) That does it! (She jumps on his back again and he begins to run around the stage again. He once again manages and then Kendall falls to the ground)

James: I can't take this anymore! I don't care how rich your family is! I am done! (He goes to leave but Kendall wraps her body around his leg.)

Kendall: (Sad) No! You can't do this to me! What about our love? What about the vows we made. What about me? You can't leave! I need you James! I love you!

James: Get off of me! (He kicks her off of him)

Kendall: Fine leave me then! Go I don't want you here. I'll just spend eternity alone! I'll never love again! Never! I'll just die an old Taylor Swift cat lady! And it's all your fault!!!

BLACKOUT

(Lights fade up as the audience sees Kendall with another suitor)

Kendall: (Lightly chuckling) Wow you really are perfect! Smart, Charming, Easy on the eyes. Kind of like James.

Suitor: Who?

Kendall: Oh um nobody, just an old friend. (Looks to the audience and winks)

BLACKOUT