Dandelions and Other Short Plays (#wattys2016)

Backstage (Comedy)

Characters: (In order of appearance)
Mabel: Stage Manager
Carl: Cast Member
Maya: Bad with flashlights
Joey: Not much to say
Leah: Most important person in the cast
Charlie: Twin of a foreign exchange student
Biff: Twin if a foreign exchange student
Chris: Some ugly kid
Emma: Positive Chick
James: Tries to kill the cast
Tina: Banana's enemy
Corey: An understudy

AT RISE: Evening. The right wing of a stage. Students are preparing for a performance that is about to happen. Mabel, the stage manager, is walking around making sure everything is ready to go.

Mabel: Alright everyone curtain opens in fifteen. Let's move people! (She walks over to Carl who is eating a banana.) What is this?

Carl: A banana

Mabel: Yes, I know it's a banana. Why is it back here? This is a stage not a snack bar! (She takes the banana and tosses it somewhere on stage that is still visible to the audience.) Don't let me catch you with another one!

Carl: Whatever you say stage monster.

Mabel: What was that?

Carl: Um... stage monster ma'am.

Mabel: That's better.

Maya: Hey Mabel can you come here?

Mabel: Coming. (She walks towards Maya.) What's up?

Maya: It's horrible! My flashlight has no batteries!

Mabel: I know. I put the batteries right beside the flashlight. Just put them in.

Maya: I can't do that; that's the tech department's job. I would think as the stage manager you would know that. And people call me stupid.

Mabel: You know what? I am terribly sorry. You are absolutely correct. (Places batteries in the flashlight. She starts to hand Maya the flashlight then pints it to her face and turns it on.)

Maya: (Screams) Oh my freaking flip! What was that for? I literally can't even see!

Mabel: Oops. My bad; I am such a klutz. (She flicks the flashlight back on again. Oops.

Maya: Oh my gosh! You are the worst stage manager ever! (She snatches the flashlight out of Mabel's hand and walks away. The focus shifts to another side of the stage as Leah and Joey start to talk)

Joey: I've told you a million times. Your dress is zipped up!

Leah: You didn't even look! And it's absolutely important I look the best; I am after all the most important character in the show.

Joey: Oh yes the blonde friend of a friend of a friend of the main character is definitely the most important character.

Leah: And what do you play again?

Joey: The used car salesman. Can't you tell from the jacket?

Leah: No.

Joey: Oh right. I forgot I was talking to a blonde.

Leah: Oh there is about to be a death of a salesman!

Mabel: (Rushes over to the two) Hey what's the problem?

Leah: Joey won't look to see if my dress is zipped up. Could you check please?

Mabel: Yep (She looks at the zipper) It's zipped?

Joey: Told you.

Leah: You know what? You are such a pain in the a...(The focus changes to another part of the stage as Biff and Charlie, two German twins, are practicing lines.)

Charlie: Okay, your line first.

Biff: Ya Okay! (Clears her throat.) Hi I'm Biff! (They both begin to giggle and talk about how well she said her line.) Okay your turn!

Charlie: And I'm Charlie! (Again both start to giggle and talk about how well she said her line.)
Biff & Charlie: And we are..

Mabel: Hi, um do you to go here?

Biff: Ya.

Mabel: (Looks at her clipboard.) What are your names?

Biff: I'm Biff!

Charlie: And I'm Charlie!

Biff & Charlie: And we are...

Mabel: Great I got it. And you're from?

Biff: Oh here is the place we are froming.

Charlie: Ya! We live right beside the house of schooling!

Mabel: Oh okay! (She walks away confused)

Carl: Hey Mabel how many people are in the audience?

Mabel: What are you talking about? Today is the...

Carl: It's a simple question just give me a number.

Mabel: Carl there's nobody here. Today is the...

Carl: What? (He peeks his head out of stage left) Guys there's no one here!

Leah: What! (She peeks her head out of stage left.) This can't be happening! This is the most important role in my entire acting career!

Carl: If this is your best role, I'd love to see your worst.

Leah: I'm sorry what role do you play? (Chris walks up to Mabel in a chicken outfit.)

Chris: Hey Mabel, I've been working on my chicken sounds and wanted to ask you for your opinion.

Mabel: Okay, go ahead

Chris: (Very loudly) Honk!

Mabel: Shhh! The audience will here you!

Chris: What audience? There is no one here.

Mabel: They don't know that. Just work on your chicken voice because that was most definitely not a chicken. (To everyone) We go on in five people. (Emma and James begin walk together to different cast mates to wish them good luck.)

Emma: Break a leg!

James: Macbeth.

Emma: Break a leg!

James: Macbeth.

Emma: Break a leg!

James: Macbeth to you as well.

Emma: James what are you doing? You can't say Macbeth; it's bad luck.

James: Why is Macbeth bad luck?

Chris: Well in Shakespearean times Macbeth was...

Mabel: Can we all stop saying Macbeth before someone dies? Okay is everyone ready to go? Okay if you have any costume or prop issues let me know.

Tina: Actually I'm looking for the shovel do you know whe...(Tina slips on the banana peel Mabel through on the floor earlier)

Mabel: Tina are you alright?

Tina: Yeah, I just slipped on this banana peel. What idiot left this here anyways?

Mabel: Uh... That's not important. What's important is that you're okay.

Carl: Is her leg supposed to bend like that?

Tina: It's cool, I'll just hop up. (She tries to jump on her feet then falls again.) I can't walk on it.

Mabel: Crap! Uh is the understudy here?

Corey: (Jumps on in a dress from stage right, and strikes a heroic pose.) Yes I am.

Mabel: Alright then come on guys it's time to start the show.

Tina: What about me?

Mabel: We'll take you to the hospital after the show is over.

Carl: (Peeks his head out of stage left again) Mabel, there's still no one here!

Mabel: I tried to tell everyone that today was the dress rehearsal.

All: What!

BLACKOUT