Silent (Scomiche)

Its Own Certain Pain

If y'all haven't checked out this weeks Superfruit...you might want to get to that. I'll give you a teaser above if you haven't seen it. Let it be a reminder if you have :).

It was happening again.

Mitch knew exactly what it was, just didn't know how to make to stop. He didn't know how to keep himself from breaking things. From screaming and tearing things off of the walls and tables.

He wanted to stop. It pained him. With every yell, and every picture torn away from its place, they each came with its own certain pain, all different from the others.

He knew he was destroying his room again, that he would regret his decisions in the long run. But he couldn't stop. He enjoyed the feelings of ruining things. It made him feel better.

He didn't know what caused this panic attack. Usually it's just the fact that he couldn't speak, but this was different. It was more intense. Maybe it was from stress. Maybe he missed his friends. Maybe he just wanted everything that happened to of never happened.

But he didn't know.

He couldn't talk to anyone. No Kirstie. No Scott. No Avi or Kevin or Esther. Just him and his thoughts. And that was a bad, bad thing. The people in his life have learned to not leave Mitch alone with his thoughts because this is what it resulted in. But they didn't seem to realize that it still happened.

He looks at his closet, unsatisfied with the neatness of the shirts hanging. So those are torn off the hangers just like everything else. Because it felt good. It felt good to ruin things he liked.

No.

He couldn't think like that! He knew that wasn't a good thing to think. These thoughts would lead to Mitch ruining people he loved and cared for. He couldn't live with himself if he did that. And he probably wouldn't even realize it.

---------------------

Kirstie was worried. No texts, no phone calls, he hadn't even come over after school. He just disappeared.

So she showed up at his house.

And thank god she did. She hated what she saw, but knew what to do. His parents weren't home. So she took him to her house. She called Scott and told him. She told the others as well.

She told them all not to worry, but Scott just couldn't do that. He showed up at Kirstie's house after about ten minutes.

Mitch's eyes flutter open, and instead of a smile when he saw his two close friends like usual, a tired and stressed grunt was forced out. He pulls the covers up, turning to the side to hide his face. Scott looks at Kirstie in confusion, but she just shakes her head.

"Mitch..." She starts. He doesn't say anything, leaving Kirstie scared and Scott confused. She reaches out and touches his shoulder. "Are you okay?" Mitch shakes his head.

Scott sits on the edge of the bed, running his hand up and down Mitch's arms. He quickly pulls his arms away. Scott shakes his head.

"Hey, baby. It's me, it's Scott." Mitch nods. "You have to talk to us. Do you need your notebook?"

"No." Mitch forces out. Scott tries to move closer but Mitch just moves further.

"What's wrong, honey?" Kirstie asks. Mitch shakes his head yet again. Scott looks back to Kirstie. The look on her face was one he could barely described. So bare and full of sadness, like something tragic has happened.

Scott pushes himself off of the bed, turning his attention to the sad blonde in front of him. He grabs her shoulders and pulls her into a hug. She hugs back, not once letting a tear slip, even though Scott knew she wanted to.

"Did something happen?" Scott whispers to her. She nods. "What?"

"I think he remembers."

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They couldn't get Mitch to talk. They gave him water and somehow convinced him to eat, but he wouldn't explain to them what happened. Every time they tried to give him his notebook, he rejected it and pushed it back. They tried getting him to explain things to one of them, but he wouldn't to either of them, no matter which one it was.

Kirstie asked if he wanted to go see his parents, that maybe he just needed the support of them right now. He quickly rejected that as well. Kirstie figured he wouldn't want to face his parents right now.

Scott walks back into the room Mitch held himself in. Mitch makes eye contact with him but quickly turns back onto his side, pulling the covers further into himself.

Scott sighs, but sits on the bed. But when he puts his hand in Mitch's waist, he doesn't move away. He lets it sit there, enjoying the feeling.

"You're scaring me, Mitchy." Scott whispers. Mitch nods, his hand seeming to finds its way to rest on top of Scott's. "Did you have another, you know, attack?"

"Superman." Scott makes eye contact with the boy. "Shhh." Scott nods, taking it as a yes.

"I want to help you."

"No."

"I'm your superman. I'm supposed to save you." Mitch nods. "Let me save you, Mitch." Mitch just takes in a short breath. He turns himself around, facing Scott. He sits up, taking Scott in his arms. And Scott feels a small wave of relief when he immediately hugs the boy back. He grips onto him so tight that he is scared he is going to break him in half.

He feels Mitch break down in his arms. The wetness transferring from his eyes to Scott's shirt. But Scott didn't mind it. Mitch pulls away a little, but only enough to look at Scott. His hands still resting at the sides of his neck while Scott keeps his at Mitch's waist.

Scott takes one hand away, using it wipe away the boys tears.

Scott wanted to hug him until he couldn't cry anymore. Or until he wouldn't let himself. He wanted to hold him and let him know it was okay and that he couldn't control it. He wanted show him so much affection.

He wanted to kiss him.

But he wouldn't. Because he was sure that Mitch didn't like him anymore, if he even did in the first place. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. He didn't want to take advantage of him because of his current mental state. He slightly pulls back, but Mitch falls back into his arms. And they sit in each other's embrace and think.

Think mainly of each other.