Kiss It Better

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

Numb. That's all that Louis feels.

He hasn't been able to purge either, because the boys are on his back and Harry insists on him showering with the door open to make sure he won't cut himself with his razor.

So now he's numb and fat and imperfect and he wants to die. He wants to disappear.

"Niall told me." Eleanor says, sipping on her drink.

Louis rolled his eyes. "Of course he did."

"It's ridiculous you know."

"No."

"Yes." She said, throwing a packet of sugar at his face ignoring his appalled look. "You look perfect. Maybe a little too skinny, but that'll change cause you're gonna start eating, right?"

"Do I have a choice?"

"Nope." She replied browsing the menu. Louis tried ordering a salad but when El raised an eyebrow he ordered a grilled chicken with brown rice.

They both thanked the waiter before she quietly asked "how long has it been going on?"

"What? My diet?"

"You're eating disorder." She points out.

"I don't know. I've always been a little... Weird about food I guess. I didn't stop eating like completely until.. Two years ago." He whispered, staring at the table below them.

"What started it? If I can ask that."

"When one of my best friends called me a fag." He said bluntly.

"Lou."

"Stop it." He snapped.

"Stop what?!"

"Pitying me. I get enough of that from the boys, I don't need it from you."

"I'm don't pity you, Louis. I just.. I know how it feels to be shunned because of your sexuality."

They sat in silence, neither of them sure what to say

"Does Harry know?"

"About what? My diet or Stan?"

"Your eating disorder, Louis."

"It's a diet." He mumbled.

"Does he?" Eleanor ignored his comment.

Louis remained silent and that was answer enough.

"Louis... You need to tell him."

"Don't tell me what I need to do! I know that I should, but I can't. I'm fucking selfish and I can't say how fucked up I am because I know he'll leave. I don't want him to leave me." Louis ranted. "I'm not good enough for him. I know that, but I'm selfish and I want him here with me."

"Babe." Eleanor breathed. "You believing that you aren't good enough is a part of your eating disorder-"

"Eleanor." He snapped. "It's a diet. I don't have a fucking eating disorder."

Eleanor stared at him in shock for a moment before wrapping her jacket tighter around her and sipping on her drink while Louis fumed quietly in his seat.

They sat in a tense silence for the rest of their 'date', both of their phones beeping with new text messages every few minutes.

The silence continued five minutes into the car ride before Eleanor sighed. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business, I know that. I..I just care about you guys, okay? I know that's not..really returned, but. I do. He just.. He deserves to know after all that both of you have gone through together."