Shattered Appearances ✓

t w e n t y - o n e: Hospitals Are Depressing

I don't like when people touch me unless I know it's happening beforehand or if it's with someone I trust. I also don't like to be woken up at six o'clock in the morning. Too bad no one cares about what I don't like. I hear a soft knock on the door and I groan in response while covering my second pillow over my head. Hearing the slight creak of the wooden door, small, delicate footsteps walk across the carpet until they're besides my bed.

Although I try to prepare, I don't recognize the hand that touches my shoulder. In panic, I grab the person's wrist tightly as I open my eyes and look at them. Stephanie emits a small gasp as she tries to break the grip. I sigh and let her hand go as I sit up on my bed.

"You know I don't like it when people touch me unless I see it happening beforehand."

"I forgot, sorry." Steph responded in a slightly bitter tone, but it disappeared as she sat down besides me. I look at the clock and let out another groan when I realize what time it is. Today was supposed to be Steph's first chemotherapy appointment that she finally agreed on, and I tried to keep my temper down as she looked at her feet.

"Are you ready for today?"

"I don't know what to expect. When I told my friends about it, instead of supporting me, they asked if I would look like one of those ugly bitches with those shaved heads. It hurt you know? I haven't talked to them since, and I know I have you and my mom, but sometimes that isn't enough."

My eyes slightly widened as the words passed through my ears. The only thing worse that Stephanie's attitude and choice of guys are her choice of friends. Although both of us used to be really close, Steph decided in high school that she wanted to be cool and nothing at all like when we were kids. While Serena and Kylie may be pretty, their arrogantness threw me off and that only started the resentment between Steph and I. Through measly gossip and lies fed to her, we became more distant and more like enemies that sisters.

Behind the facade that Stephanie shows, she's a sensitive girly-girl who cares too much about what people think.

"Who cares if you lose your hair? You shouldn't let yourself be dictated by what other people think. Think of all the wigs you could buy and the new hairstyles you could try out. Besides, you would save money on shampoo and conditioner. That shit is expensive."

"We're two different people Zoe. You don't care about what people think, so you don't understand how hard it is to not let someone's words affect you. I'm not smart or sassy. The only thing I have going for me are my looks and I can't afford to lose that. It's the only thing I can hold on too."

I didn't know what to say to that so I didn't say anything. It would be cheesy and cliche to say the you're beautiful line and I'm not kind enough to come up with a full paragraph of encouraging bullshit. I only give her the most reassuring smile I'm capable of at six in the morning but she understands and nods.

That's what I love about us. We aren't the most affectionate of sisters, but we don't need to be. The message is clear, even if it's a couple of words or a simple nod. She leaves to go get dressed as almost everyone is awake now and I go to my closet to pick a random outfit.

"Sweatpants and tank top it is."

After I finished getting dressed, I went downstairs. There was some commotion coming from my dad's room but no one was downstairs yet. Suddenly having an idea, I went downstairs to grab a waterbottle from the fridge.

Not bothering to knock, I enter Giselle's room. Slightly uncapping the bottle, I whisper, "Wake up."

It was obvious that she was trying to say 'leave me alone' but it came out like, "levvvvee."