Can You Not: A Series Of Poems Written From Memories Of A Semi Hurtful Past

No I Don't See the Point

No I don't see the point in being Sad
No I don't see the point in Tearing my shoulders and arms up with stolen razor blades
I don't see the point
I'm drinking the booze
Trying so hard to destroy myself
You were but a blip in my timeline
So I don't see the point in tearing
Myself down
Just because you aren't around
Maybe it's because
When you were here
I saw something else in me
I didn't just see
Absolute trash
Who couldn't do anything
Because I could only see
What I had done to myself before
From the drugs I never told you about
To the drinking I also kept hidden
I didn't want you to see me
Other than the way you already saw me
So no I didn't see the point
In telling you of those things
Because I knew if I did
Your view of me would change
And I would be alone again
And I didn't want that to happen
Even though I knew it would happen in the end
I didn't want it to end
No I never wanted it to end
So I stopped for a while
Because I was afraid to be caught
But then June rolled around
And I didn't see the point
I didn't know how much longer we would last
I wasn't expecting that long
So I started again
And still kept it hidden
I wanted so bad to tell
But I was do afraid
Thinking back now
There was no point in keeping it from you
Because October rolled around
And things just got worst
And you left for the first time
And fuck did that hurt
And so I did the things that I've always done
Then you came back
Then you left again
Then you came back
And then you fucking left again
And then you came back
And then you left for the last fucking time
And I realized I was the one making it worse
I was the one making it worse
Because I was hurting and I wanted you
And what we want isn't always good for us
So what was the point in hiding from you
When I knew it wasn't going to be long anyway
Because now I know the pain was my fault
Oh no I don't see the point in hiding from you.