Sometimes
When I feel angry
I have no clue as to why
So I try to feel other things
And I can't
Sometimes when I feel sad
I have no clue as to why
So I try to feel other things
And I feel angry
I force my shoulders back
Hold my head high
And I carry on with being angry inside
I don't want to feel anything bad
But when I do things to make myself feel good
It's so short lived
In the middle of a smile or a laugh
I feel a pang inside my heart
And suddenly I'm filled with overwhelming sadness or rage
And I force it back down
As well as I can
And try to maintain a calm happy exterior
When inside
It feels like a god damn tornado
Whipping around and throwing
Emotions everywhere they don't belong
Taking the puzzle that makes me
And scattering the pieces
And it's so unexpected
It happens so randomly
That when it does I just want to pull my hair out and cry and punch something
It makes me feel like I'm being stabbed in the gut
And everything is falling out
But I try to suppress them
When I feel angry
I try to change it
And I then feel sad
When i feel sad
I try to change it
But then I feel angry
And when both are exhausted
What other horrible thing
Am I supposed to feel
The next step must be nothing
Or alone
Or completely empty
Because so out of hand
And it feels like it can't get any worse
But things can always get worse
Which is why I'm afraid of trying to ignore this
Because if I ignore it
For too long
By the time it gets worse
I won't even notice
I think I'll be happy soon though
I feel something turning inside of me
Something building
Something that's burning
Something that feels like it's making me braver
But I can never be sure
Because soon enough there will be anger
Then sadness again
But whatever this is
But whatever happiness is supposed to feel like
I'll know soon
YOU ARE READING
Can You Not: A Series Of Poems Written From Memories Of A Semi Hurtful Past
PoetryPoems from the heart that encase the emotions of an anxious, panic ridden fifteen year old girl who doesn't really have any experience with real love or heartbreak, but thinks she does. What I've learned from my "experiences" is that we get from a s...
